This is a rerun–because I think that it was one of the most popular blogs I have ever done. And though it is only peripherally about BFL, it is helpful to most people in all things of life. 

Many of you have read the posts I have done about Mel, a guy I met in a 12 step program, and the homespun, no-holds-barred wisdom he used to abuse me with! Some if not most of my encounters with Mel have applicability to working the Body for Life program. They are all about how to resist self-pity and other weakening vices, and how to act your way to a better attitude instead of sitting around waiting to feel better before you take action. Here’s one such story that I like. I like it because it is true, and I like it because it helps others.

One day after the meeting had adjourned, and I was still in a whining mood, Mel sat and listened for about 10 seconds and then said something that really hacked me off. “You know what your problem is, buddy? YOU! You are the problem. You don’t HAVE PROBLEMS! YOU are the problem!” (Mel always called me “buddy” even though he treated me like I wasn’t one.) He explained as soon as I cooled off enough to ask what he meant by that. He said that 90% of life was not about what happened to you, but how you viewed it, and what you did in response to it. He said that in my case I chose to feel sorry for myself, and that self-pity robbed me of power rather than getting me anywhere. He said that when others did something to me I chose to be resentful, and that I should choose to act nicely toward them instead. He told me to do something nice for them, and not let them know it was me. He said that it wouldn’t help them a bit, but that it would make a world of difference in ME.

This all sounded silly and backward to me—highly educated and highly abused person that I was at the time—but Mel was insistent. So, I took his advice only so that he would stop threatening me! It worked. The more I felt mistreated the more I worked hard to deal rightly with others. And it didn’t help them a bit. They were still jerks, but somehow it completely inoculated me against being affected by them. It made me a different person over the long haul. Years later, when I knew I would be seeing Mel for the last time, he smiled and said he had a “gift” for me. He handed me an envelope without another word and left. There was a sticker in there to go on my bathroom mirror. Know what it said?

“YOU are looking at THE PROBLEM!’”