You all know what a lurker is, right? Someone who reads a website, or a blog regularly but rarely or never participates. Most lurkers are more than mildly interested in what they are reading, and they are taking it all in as well as participating in the program. Sometimes they lurk because they are at work and don’t want anyone to know what they’re doing, but more often than not it is because they believe that they just don’t know enough to be of help, and they are afraid they’ll embarrass themselves or get called out on something if it is wrong–so they just read along.

I hope this blog will change some minds about lurking.

When I was going to recovery meetings almost daily, I saw a phenomenon there that is true most everywhere else as well. The “old hands,” the folks who measured their sobriety in multiples of 5 years, usually sat at the back of the room or led the meetings. They would participate after the meeting by acting as sponsors to others who were newly sober. These people really added stability and wisdom to the meetings.

The ones who had been in the meetings a few weeks sat up toward the front, and if they were motivated to stay sober they enthusiastically participated, talking about anything and everything they had learned to stay sober for those few weeks.  Then there were the brand new people who just came in voluntarily or were invited to come by a judge who had another place they could go if they didn’t go to the meetings–what was known affectionately as “The Iron Bar Hotel.”

Well, who do you think the brand new people wanted to talk to after the meetings–the ones who had been sober 25 years or the ones who had been sober 25 days? Well, it was those who had been sober 25 days! They couldn’t even imagine sobriety of 25 years, but they really hoped to just hang on, so those who had been sober just a few weeks were the ones doing the impossible in the eyes of the brand new people!

So, lurkers, you might very well be that person who has been doing this successfully for just a few weeks, and would have lots of valuable things to say to someone who is just starting and wondering if they can possibly get this whole thing done! They don’t want to talk to a champion, not near so much as someone who is having some success right now! You could be that person who gives them hope and inspiration–and the rest of us appreciate that as well! Nothing gives me a boost like seeing someone really “get it!

And as for worrying about embarrassing yourself, the guestbook is just like a daily newspaper. By evening, what was said in the morning is dead and gone. Nothing lasts more than a day there, so the worst case scenario is that you might be in a bit of an intellectual whirlwind for about 3 or 4 hours, and then it’s all over!

So, what do you say? Can you share some wisdom with us? Our community can use all the help and hope we can get!  Tomorrow we’ll review Porter Freeman’s book, “Finally Fit at Fifty!” Think I’m going to say anything bad about a book written by a guy like Porter? Stay tuned!