THis short series, four blogs, is about mindsets that will defeat you if you keep using them,  even if you don’t know you have them.  The terms are drawn from a book called Search for SIgnificance by Robert McGee. But, the principles are timeless, and are not Dr. McGee’s creation by any means. So, what I will do in this series is to identify and describe each of these false mindsets, give you the results of this mindset, and then give you the “solution to the problem.”  Many people, by the way, have more than one of these, so you may see yourself in more than one of these blogs!

McGee’s book is from a Christian approach. I am a Christian as well. But, whether you are or are not a person of faith, these principles of failure, and the solutions, will work whether you have a faith-based operating system or not. So, hang with me, please.

“I MUST MEET CERTAIN STANDARDS IN ORDER TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF.”

This is probably the most common “false belief” of those who come to BFL for the first time. It leads to defeat every time. I know what you’re thinking–”Wait a minute Mike! We HAVE TO think like that if we’re going to be a success!” Nope.  Here’s why and what happens.

First of all, you almost immediately play the tape in your head and fast forward it to a failure point. You say, “I am going to WIN THIS CONTEST–and then the first time you miss a meal or a workout, you begin to think you can’t win–that you’ve failed already. This creates a fear of failure and leads to even more perfectionism, which means that the next “mistake” leads to dropping out or starting over. You become driven to succeed, and you begin to fabricate excuses or even to manipulate others to get what you want. Ultimately, you withdraw from all healthy risks, drop out of the challenge, and you basically go into hiding.  You have lost all confidence in yourself!

What’s the “solution?”You must understand and agree with yourself that you are already a good and complete person, that you are likeable and lovable whether or not you get all A’s or lose 20 pounds, or end up with a 200 pound bench press. You must understand and agree with yourself that the end results are not near as important as carrying out what you start to the end. Breaking promises to yourself is destructive, but falling short of good goals is commonplace, and is NOT unacceptable. There are no perfect people, so there are no perfect results.

Great people fail often. You must understand that unless you change this way of thinking, you will ALWAYS be setting yourself up for failure. Even if you DO succeed momentarily, as long as you have the unhealthy mindset that you must meet certain goals to feel worthy, you will always raise the bar until you fail. Can you see it now? This mindset is a form of functional insanity because it always leads to failure and withdrawal, never to lasting success and joy!

Is it hard to do this agreement with yourself? Not if you have a journal. Write the truth in your journal every day. Write something like this: “I am a success today. I will not be ruled by fear, and I will not let my opinion of myself change if I make a mistake. I will be honest with myself, and I will love myself in an appropriate way.” Do that every day, and read it out loud to yourself, and you’re on your way!