Here’s the next false belief that some of us have, one which leads to failure and even devastation.

“Those who fail are unworthy of love and deserve punishing.”

O.K., I know what you’re thinking–”NOBODY THINKS LIKE THAT–AT LEAST I SURE DON’T!” Right?

Well, hear me out, please. How do you feel when someone continually tells you one thing and acts in another way? Remember that person in your life who used to tell you how much you meant to them and then treated you or betrayed you in a way that showed clearly what they really thought of you? You concluded that they were not what they said, didn’t you? So it is with this false belief as well.

See, I watch you to see how you treat someone, someone you say you love, and then I see how you treat them when they fail, and you aren’t nice to them at all. You treat them just like you believed they were unworthy, and that they deserved the punishment you give them. Who? YOU!! See, I watch how you treat yourself when you “mess up” and it makes me just want to weep!

You look in the mirror and you scowl at yourself. You say things to yourself like, “How stupid could I be??” Or, “I’ll never get this right!” Even when you started out your last challenge you said to yourself, “Well, what do I have to lose–I’ll probably just mess up again and end up even fatter, though!” You never even gave yourself a chance, did you? And then when failure was clear, out came the punishment. You packed on even more pounds and sat at home with tears in your eyes and ice cream in your lap! You wouldn’t answer the phone and you denied yourself every opportunity for your friends and family to really help you or encourage you. You blamed others and you even punished your own family members too! You were shocked at the rage that came out of you. Then you hid out at home to avoid punishment from others.  Yes, you really lived this out, and that’s why I think you believe this false belief much more than you say you do!

How do you turn your thinking around and escape this, the most deadly trap of all? This is one of those steps that works best with faith, and with an understanding that you are a child of God. Punishment is a function of government, and self-punishment is an affront to God, who took all the punishment for you.  Once you realize that your self-punishment is not just dumb, but morally wrong and destructive, and once you admit it, you have a chance to stop it, and if you stop punishing yourself, you’ll lose the urge to punish others as well.

Get out that journal. Write something like this: “I am worth too much to destroy myself with punishment. I have too much to give to others to deny them the opportunity to love me by acting like this. I will love myself appropriately, and I will not curse myself, or others. I will not abuse myself or others. I will treat myself with the respect I once treated others. Most of all, I will forgive myself, so that I might feel forgiven.” And if you are a person of Christian roots or faith, think about what the cross really meant–not just a symbol, but an event where once for all time God took upon himself the punishment so that we need not live lives of torment. Think about the great sacrifice that was made that we might lead lives of freedom from fear and torment. THen, act like the champion you are, and you’re on your way!  Don’t forget to make amends to those who caught the brunt of your self-hatred, which poured over onto them!