This is the last of the four false beliefs that when used as your mental operating system will tear your life apart and bring either chaos or absolute depression to you to stay.

This one is a common mindset, though less common in BFL’ers, thank God! Still, some of you may be tormented with this type of attitude, or know others who are, so I want to cover this so you can help yourself or those who are dying inwardly due to this horrible sense of hopelessness. The most common presenting problem in BFL in someone who has this mindset is a long-standing eating disorder. This mindset is part of the end-stage process of that disease. 

A person suffering from this attitude feels deep shame, hopelessness, inferiority to others, and is passive. She usually has lost her creativity and interest in life. She stays isolated, and withdraws from others.This leads to a deepening of the eating disorder, whether it be bingeing, bulemia, or even anorexia. Eating disorders are often but not always connected to abuse that causes the shame. Sufferers are sometimes attracted to BFL and its serious structure, in hopes that the structure will provide relief so they can “get over” the disorder.

Working with someone like this is very difficult because of the hiding, passivity and lack of desire to interact. They are simply incapable of acting like you do, because their shame keeps them always fearing rejection and feeling inferior.They believe the secrets they are sitting on are so bad that if you got to know them you would intensely dislike and reject them.

How do you help them, or help yourself if you suffer from this? First, the source of shame is almost always something that was done TO them, instead of by them. They need to be told and they need to tell themselves that the shame has become a substitute for a type of self-punishment, and they don’t deserve to live a life of hopelessness and loneliness. I’ll be brutally honest with you. This kind of an attitude can at times be very dangerous to the person who has it. They need to be asked if they want to live, and they need to be reminded that they are a created being, that they have a purpose in life, and that sitting on the sidelines or destroying themselves cannot fulfill such a purpose.  You may want to ask for help for them whether they want it or not. Sometimes there is an ongoing drug dependency that fuels this hopelessness, and sometimes not. But seeking the help of an expert may be necessary in this case.

We are NOT MADE to endure shame. In a sense this person is much like the person we talked about yesterday, who punishes themself and others out of the mistaken belief that failure should have consequences. But our hopeless person has created failure out of an inability to accept or deal with something that has happened to them, and they usually need help with that. For God’s sake, literally, love them unconditionally, and love them too much to leave them alone. But, love them with another one present as well. I don’t recommend dealing with this kind of situation without another person being there to help.

If you are yourself the victim of this terrible situation, I simply urge you to seek the help of someone with expertise in counseling who can help you to deal with the underlying issues, so you can deal with life in a joyful situation. There is no easy journal writing cure here.

I hope this series has been helpful. I enjoyed bringing it to you, and it has really made realize anew what a wonderful and eternal gift my own faith is. I hope it has for you as well. God bless!