Ever try to swim in water that was too shallow? Or dive? It can be anything from an uncomfortable to a dangerous situation can’t it? Who needs shallow water? Little children, as in the baby pool or the wading pool, right?

Well, you probably already see where I’m going with this. In a transformation, doing it for shallow reasons or approaching it in a shallow way will end up with the same effect as the shallow water gig. You’ll be happy for about as long as a baby in the wading pool.  How do I know? I did it! My first transformation was for one reason–I wanted to look good on the beach in Hawaii! And I did.

So, what do you think Mr. “Look at Me” did when he got back from Kauai, to the reality of Michigan? That’ right–I started living just like the old pudgster Mike that I had been for a while, and I quickly started looking like that again. I also started acting in a way that displeased me, too. I ate in my car, during my 2 hour commutes each way. I talked a good fitness game, but  just didn’t live it!

When I got sick of that, and it didn’t take long, I did something pretty darned important. I started a new challenge, with new goals, and many of them were not scale or tape measure related. One goal was to not complain even once about commuting 200 total miles every day in rush hour traffic–and to be grateful that I had a job I loved. Another was to treat everyone in the way that I would like to have been treated. But, the most important one was to do something nice for someone at least once a week, without getting caught. 

I’ve gotta tell you–at the end of that challenge, I was exhausted. But it was a good feeling nonetheless. I made every goal. Much more importantly, I made a decision to truly invest in fitness. I added to my home gym, not extravagantly, but enough that I could never come up with an excuse to miss a workout!

The biggest investment I made was in an ultimate transformation camp–where I made great friends in two days! They don’t have them anymore, but they do have nearly the same thing on a privately conducted scale. The Kansas Champion’s weekend is almost the same thing and will get you the same wonderful experience I had for way less money. There’s also one in October in the fall at Knoxville. Both of these great events are on my website, www.mikeharris.org, and if you go there, you can invest in your transformation like I did.

So, I’ve already given away the cure for shallowness, haven’t I? Work the universal law of reciprocation; invest in your challenge; become a part of the community; and set some goals that truly reach into the emotional and spiritual realms that are so critical to your happiness.

Trust me! I found out the hard way that just getting a six pack isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. But, investing in others, in yourself, and in keeping challenging goals always in front of you, you are creating an entirely new you! WIll I see you at Kansas, or Knoxville? I’m going to both! Just because I’m a champion, I haven’t stopped investing!

  One of the primary principles in a challenge is to visualize the kind of body you want, the type of life you desire, and to then set specific goals that will take you to or at least nearer to that ideal. There seems to be a very strong correlation between what a person visualizes and works toward, and the outcome of the transformation. Remember Hank Johnson from the Success Stories video? He was the guy who visualized himself with Frank Zane’s body. And he looks like a slightly leaner and darker Frank Zane in the end! So, developing that art of visualization, and using the mind-body connection for all it is worth, will truly help you obtain the results you need. So long as you have faith; so long as you don’t continuously doubt. Lack of faith is like a bridge that is out on the road between where you are and where you want to be. Or maybe more like a crimp in the air hose that supplies the oxygen you live on. However you view it, lack of faith–doubting–is a real stumbling block to many challenges. Though it seems like it just came up spontaneously, such as when you looked at the before and after photos, and wondered if they really could be real, the truth is that lack of faith and doubting is a mindset you’ve had for a long time. People get into one of two habits, positive thinking coupled with positive actions, or negative thinking (doubt) coupled with negative or no actions at all.  Listen to the speech patterns of someone around you who is always failing at things. You’ll hear “Isn’t that just my luck?” Or, “well, wouldn’t you know it?” A person without faith  learned probably back in his  childhood that he didn’t deserve much and really shouldn’t expect much from others. Faithless people were taught by other faithless people that  those who are cuter, smarter or richer than them are the ones that get everything–not them! The heartbreak of all this is twofold: 1.Faithlessness becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy. People who expect to lose usually lose. They do so not because it was in the cards for them, but because their subconscious behavior aligned with their expectation that they would lose. They played down to their expectations, and sure enough, they lost. 2. Faithlessness and doubting is taught to family and others around these people.  So, it perpetuates itself. There’s no better time and place than a transformation challenge to break this cycle. All you need do is read the book, do the exercises in the power mindset section, set some powerful but achievable goals–in writing–and come up with a cohesive plan of action. Then, execute it daily to the best of your ability to do so. Done exactly right, a transformation becomes the true antidote and the ultimate cure for faithlessness. This is why I have always DISCOURAGED people from doing “informal” transformations, because it plays right back into the faithlessness that so many have in their mindset. A challenge done carefully, faithfully and officially will drive out the faithlessness and instill discipline and optimism in its place. It just might get youa big win along the way, too!

“Perhaps there is only one cardinal sin, impatience. Because of impatience we were driven out of paradise, and because of impatience we cannot return.” W.H. Auden. This is the sixth in a series of mindsets or attitudes that are real transformation killers.

How many times have you seen someone new to the transformation challenge ask a question like this: “What do you recommend to jumpstart this program—fat burners, extra cardio, cutting out carbs?” The curtain has not even opened yet, and our transformer is already wanting to hurry up and get through Act one! Impatience is a problematic mindset that unfortunately is often seen by the impatient one as an asset. Impatient people usually portray themselves as “energetic,  productive and resourceful.” But, the truth is, for most of them, they frustrate themselves and others, and seldom can be relied on in the clutch. Most impatient people also possess the seemingly opposite trait of procrastination.  Impatience and lack of vision forces them to do several tiny and easy things first, putting off the more complex and lengthy tasks for another time—which never seems to arrive.

Applying those traits to a transformation challenge, you can quickly predict what will happen. A challenge will take off like a rocket, with frenetic activity, a great flourish of  preparation, and then suddenly die out like a roman candle heading back to earth.  Our impatient one simply finds himself unable to wait even a few weeks for muscles to form, fat to burn away, and a new life to emerge. Instead, he stands in front of the Microwave oven screaming, “hurry up!” Nothing can arrive too soon for him, so you will find him next trying something like Atkins or the Hollywood diet or one of the ten thousand other quick results guaranteed diets that simply lead to the next crash and burn event!

Impatience never wins and never satisfies. So what is the cure for it?  Perhaps the best adjustments that can be immediately made are to discontinue all stimulants such as white sugar and caffeine in the diet. These things are like the fuse on the dynamite stick of impatience.  Counting to ten before engaging mouth or typing a message to someone often works. Solitude is an excellent beginning for an impatient person. Just go somewhere to a pleasant but completely undisturbed surrounding, and sit and think. Don’t write a thing; don’t take your phone, your I Pod, or anything else that can vie for your attention, and just kick your mind out of gear. Lie on your back and watch the clouds. How long has it been since you did something like that?  Patience can be learned by practice. Protect your schedule, and never over commit yourself. The pressure created by excessive commitments nearly always produces impatience and chaos.

Will patience get you back into paradise? I can’t guarantee you that, but I can guarantee that it will add time and richness to your life. Patient people live longer and have fewer diseases than impatient ones. The one quality that most people truly appreciate and envy in others is patience, and the ability to hold one’s tongue when others don’t. 

Please, you have 12 beautiful weeks ahead of you—don’t let impatience make it feel like 12 years!.

This is the fourth in a series of mindsets or attitudes that have significant potential for turning a transformation challenge into a nightmare. Most of these are character defects that are not perceived as such by the person who has them. Either the person is totally oblivious of the problem, or simply chooses to believe that it is an asset.  So far we have dealt with selfishness, self-sabotage and self-pity. Today is controlling, a huge component of a syndrome often called co-dependency.

A “controller”almost always sees herself as a virtuous, hard-working, self-sacrificial person in complete control of herself and most situations. She also sees herself, rightly,as having given to others to the point that she has neglected herself and her health. Thus, a controller almost always comes to a transformation with the idea that “it’s my turn now, and this time I’m going to take care of myself because I deserve this!” They might not put it quite so forcefully, but that is certainly the attitude.

So, what’s wrong with this picture? Well, to start with, a controlling person usually comes by the mindset due to a difficult, often abusive, experience, either as an abused or neglected child, or a passive person in a dominant and abusive adult relationship. So, many controllers who decide “this is my time now” tend to way overreact, trying to fix their entire personality and difficult life in one twelve week show of strength! Rather than work with others in their family or other spheres of influence, they tend to “lay down the law” to them, and to drive people away at the very time that they actually need cooperation. This can bring out the worst in people, both the controller and the significant others, and a transformation done in constant conflict seldom goes well.

Another problem caused by a controlling personality is confusion. A controller has often controlled others by meeting their needs and neglecting hers. So, for her, how to meet her own needs, and even what they are, and where to draw the lines, are unknowns. Thus, she tends to either underperform, or overperform to the point of total exhaustion. Co-dependent controllers generally do not have a great deal of insight into themselves. They have spent much of their life trying to avoid certain feelings and insights, because of the pain these cause. Controllers like to stay busy, usually helping others, because it keeps them from having to deal with their own feelings, plus it also helps them to feel worthwhile. 

But here is the biggest crushing blow that a controller suffers. If they finish the challenge, physically they have done much, but mentally, they remain unchanged–because they have been too busy doing instead of feeling, and avoiding all intimate interactions with others. So, in the end, except for a better body, they remain the same–a one dimensional person who will do anything for anyone, but who deep down feels very little love for themselves, and little true emotion as well.

The solution? There’s unfortunately not an easy one. Getting involved in the community and finding a few people–preferably of the same gender–with whom you can truly talk about your struggles and your past is of enormous help. Honestly reviewing your past and coming to grips with the loss that was responsible for your attitude helps as well. Don’t just blow it off as no big deal. It was, and it is. Another helpful thing is to simply accept help from others without trying to pay them back.  Really working on a power mindset and doing those exercises in your journal can help a bunch as well.  This is a lifelong struggle, but it’s worth it to fight back against co-dependency.

We all have those “moments” don’t we, when the old self-pity mechanism literally makes us want to give up? Even as a champion, I am not immune to such goings-on. HOWEVER, I certainly know better than to allow it to take over my life. See, for years, when I was a practicing alcoholic, I allowed self-pity to become my number one motivator, and it became an important part of that syndrome that nearly killed me many years ago.

Like so many other mindsets, self-pity robs us of power! It also slowly but surely robs us of our friends and our life goals as well.
My self-pity gave me an excuse to drink to excess! “You’d drink too if you had to put up with what I do practically every day” I would say to myself or to anyone else who would listen. It was always about what “they” had done to me! And in any life, even a well-lived one, there are a few “theys” that could be self-pity generators.

If you work outside the home, “they” are often your co-employees or the boss. Or they are the ungrateful customers or clients, who expect you to do your job better than anyone else, and to drop everything else and take care of just them!

Things can also generate self-pity. Divorce, poverty, deaths, war, even unexpected political changes in your sphere of influence, can be the source of feeling sorry for yourself. The list, as you can see, is endless.

And that’s the point of this blog! Not only is the list endless, but then so is the problem! See, there’s no cure for self-pity, as it continues to feed on whatever perceived inequity there is that comes into your life. Thus, it’s not really coming from the outside, but the inside.

Since it comes from the inside, that means you HAVE POWER OVER SELF-PITY! It’s not an unstoppable force–in fact, it’s a force you MUST stop if you are to live a normal and joyful life.

THe cure is painful but simple. Pray for the “theys” in your life. Then, consciously give them even more than they could possibly expect out of you, if only in the way you treat them! A smile is a contagious thing, and if you begin your dealings with the “theys” by a smile, then your chances are huge that they will treat you differently that day. And even if they don’t, remember that you are not required to change your beautiful outlook on life just because theirs is flawed! If you’re spreading joy, you’re more likely to keep it yourself!

If, instead of “theys” causing your self-pity, it is events, then conquering self-pity is still simple–not easy but simple. You simply welcome the event as a challenge that will strengthen you, not destroy you. Even a horrifying and depressing, unexpected divorce can be an empowering event, if you work on YOU! This is not psycho-babble, this is simply refusing to believe anything but the best for yourself and your loved ones.  And your dwelling on the good rather than the bad in any situation carves that mountain down into bite sized pieces that you can deal with.

Nothing conquers self-pity like perspective. Watch Denise and Jonnae’s story on transformation.com; or any of the inspirational videos of past champions in the Success Stories series. Read the stories of champions on the websites. Then, dry your tears and get to work!

It takes practice to get rid of self-pity, but it’s worth it, because in its place you will have POWER! Life changing power, and it takes life-changing power to accomplish a good transformation. And, once you stop feeling sorry for yourself, you have much more time to live the life of victory that you truly deserve!

The title of this blog is a question asked me by a BFL transformer after I had written him concerning his question. His question was how to deal with depression while doing a transformation. I suggested that to cure the depression he ought to purposely and regularly practice the universal law of reciprocation by finding someone he could help, who had no capacity to pay him back, and then do an anonymous good deed for them regularly.  Well, the question he came back with clearly revealed one of the main reasons he was depressed–SELFISHNESS!

Selfishness is without a doubt the most common cultural defect in the United States these days. Yet, it is not even recognized as a characterological problem by those who have it. In fact, best selling books have been written on how to make selfishness work for you–they they of course don’t use that exact word. They usually have titles like “Getting what you want,” or “Winning, no matter what!” What those books and selfish people don’t realize is that selfishness is a dead end street, that it is never satisfied, always wants more, and always wants to give less. Thus, a selfish person is always frustrated, always craving newer and bigger things or experiences, and ends up poor, lonely and friendless.

See, my selfish “friend,” who dropped out of BFL of course, failed to understand that the only CURE for selfishness is the exact opposite–SERVICE! And the best way to truly serve, and take all the grandiosity out of it, is to do a good deed for another, and never tell a soul! Servants don’t have buildings named after them, or gigantic foundations named after them–they have something much more important. They have HUGE hearts filled with joy, and a love of life that most others can only imagine.

That’s not all, either. Empirical research has shown that people who serve regularly have less heart disease, lower blood pressure, and way less incidents of depression.

Almost no one thinks of himself as selfish. So, to diagnose this problem, you really have to examine your results of your life. Where did you spend most of your money, and on whom? What do you do with your “spare time?” Who do you think will come to your funeral? Who do you think will miss you when you’re gone? What will they say at your funeral? Answers to those questions may tell you more about whether you’re selfish than anything else.

If you don’t like the answers, put down that laptop you’re reading this from, and go find someone you can help–NOW! And do it at least twice a week, and try not to tell anyone! Selfishness doesn’t live long in a life bathed with service!

Have you ever seen someone try to make a gadget work, and then when it wouldn’t work right,  end up breaking it due to their complete frustration? I have! I have seen a relative actually take a golf club after hitting a bad shot and break it right over his leg.  What we’re talking about there is an extreme and obvious example of self-sabotage. What this blog is about, though, is the more insidious form of self-sabotage, so insidious that sometimes those who do it are not even aware of it. Self sabotage first starts with the idea that we really cannot succeed at what we’re doing, or that we don’t deserve to. This attitude is usually held by those who were beaten down much of their life by those who raised them, or someone who dominated in their relationship. They were told that they couldn’t do certain things, or that “we don’t get to” do certain things. They acquired an inferiority complex through the teachings of those who raised them, who no doubt got what they taught by the same method. Defeatist attitudes are hard to snuff out, because not only are they taught, but they also relieve the person who learns them of the responsibility of trying to do their very best to get out of that rut of mediocrity. In a transformation challenge, the self-sabotage usually begins with failing to carve out the time to do the challenge effectively. The excuses are usually a flimsy house of cards. “I couldn’t find the time to do my shopping this weekend.” Or, “I have to work out at home because I have to be there with the kids all the time, and my husband didn’t give me the money to buy the stuff I need to work out.” Or even, “I can’t afford the book right now.” What a bunch of hooey! This person believes this junk, even though the bottom line really is that they chose not to bother to shop, even though there are a thousand ways to work out at home without expensive equipment, and even though they could borrow or check out the book from a library! The bottom line is that they don’t feel yet like they deserve to break out of this very small life they have constructed for themselves. Even if the transformation sputters to a beginning, our saboteur will usually manage rather quickly to get into arguments with spouse or other family members, and to rather quickly stop the challenge in a self-righteous huff! This accomplishes two subconscious goals–it sabotages the challenge and it keeps a major beef going with the spouse. Another great self-sabotage tactic is to try to coerce others into doing the challenge with you, subconsciously knowing that they won’t, and then when they resist our saboteur simply says that they’re quitting too!  Toward the end of the challenge, sabotage takes on an even more insidious nature. The saboteur decides that “I guess that this doesn’t work for everyone,” declares that he or she has absolutely worked their guts out, and quits even within sight of the end. This is the ultimate “victory” for a self-saboteur because it arms them not only with a good reason for quitting, but also with a good reason to go ahead and finish themselves off with weeks of gorging and laying around doing nothing—which is just another form of self-punishment in the end.  How do you get out of this? Recognizing it and calling it what it is usually does the trick. It’s a bit like the old fable of the King who wore no clothes. Once someone realizes that they are a self-defeating person, they become so convicted by this revelation that they begin to work out of it. The other exercise to avoid this is to make your goals in the forms of self-promises, and to make your over-arching goal a self-promise that you will complete a 12 week transformation challenge NO MATTER WHAT the outcome is.   The real beauty of beating the self-sabotage syndrome is that it breaks the cycle. Someone who has practiced self-sabotage, and then has been freed from it, no longer teaches it by their actions or their words. In fact, they inspire those who look up to them to do better—rather than avoid risks and miss out on rewards.

Make Room In Your Heart!

Your biggest challenge in a transformation is to gain mastery over your emotions and motives. You all know what emotions are. Motives are simply reasons why you did things based on the emotion of the moment. Yes, emotions are great things–they separate us from other forms of life on earth. They help us to celebrate victories, to grieve losses, and to appropriately respond to all kinds of situations.

However, and this is a BIG HOWEVER, our emotions and motives can also be real deal killers for us in a transformation–especially if they are negative ones. Examples are many. When a person is doing a transformation with a “revenge” motive, they are generally acting out of mixed emotions of anger, and self-pity. Even if the transformation candidate has a good result, he or she is completely unable to experience the joy of an inner transformation, because the anger and self-pity are not quelled by the result–though they thought that would happen. Someone who does a transformation for the bare motive of looking good this summer on the beach–they generally are battling selfishness and feelings of inadequacy. One who starts a challenge with an absolute vow that he or she “this time” will do everything perfectly, operates with emotions of fear of failure and low self-esteem. Little do they realize that perfectionism is the gift that never gives happiness, because perfectionism always leads to starting over, which leads to frustration, which leads to dropping out, which leads to anger, which leads to depression and withdrawal! What started out as something they thought was good ends in disaster.

How do we do this with the right emotions. Make room in your heart! The heart (here I am talking about the soul and spirit of a human) will hold only so much, and if it is filled with negative or self-destructive emotions, you’ll live disastrously. But if it’s filled with emotions of love, joy, selflessness, desire to succeed, and the like, you’ll live victoriously and happily.

How do you make room? First actively forgive anyone who has wronged you–who is living rent free in your head. Write down that you forgive them, and when and why. Then, resolve to remember that act, rather than what they did whenever you are tempted to dwell on your “injury.” Starve the negative emotions by refusing to act on them, refusing to dwell on them, and refusing to let others talk or deal with you in those ways. Then, create love, joy, selflessness and desire to succeed by acting in those ways. Nothing produces better feelings and emotions than acting in the way that those who already have them do. In other words, you act your way to a better way of thinking instead of waiting for the right desires to come along to spur your actions. It works! But only if you work it. Start by doing a good deed for someone anonymously, don’t tell a soul, and see how that makes you feel!

With a heart filled with good, your challenge can go nowhere but up. You’ll never regret this overhaul, and you’ll never forget the changes that will come by acting like the person you always wanted to be!