We all have those “moments” don’t we, when the old self-pity mechanism literally makes us want to give up? Even as a champion, I am not immune to such goings-on. HOWEVER, I certainly know better than to allow it to take over my life. See, for years, when I was a practicing alcoholic, I allowed self-pity to become my number one motivator, and it became an important part of that syndrome that nearly killed me many years ago.

Like so many other mindsets, self-pity robs us of power! It also slowly but surely robs us of our friends and our life goals as well.
My self-pity gave me an excuse to drink to excess! “You’d drink too if you had to put up with what I do practically every day” I would say to myself or to anyone else who would listen. It was always about what “they” had done to me! And in any life, even a well-lived one, there are a few “theys” that could be self-pity generators.

If you work outside the home, “they” are often your co-employees or the boss. Or they are the ungrateful customers or clients, who expect you to do your job better than anyone else, and to drop everything else and take care of just them!

Things can also generate self-pity. Divorce, poverty, deaths, war, even unexpected political changes in your sphere of influence, can be the source of feeling sorry for yourself. The list, as you can see, is endless.

And that’s the point of this blog! Not only is the list endless, but then so is the problem! See, there’s no cure for self-pity, as it continues to feed on whatever perceived inequity there is that comes into your life. Thus, it’s not really coming from the outside, but the inside.

Since it comes from the inside, that means you HAVE POWER OVER SELF-PITY! It’s not an unstoppable force–in fact, it’s a force you MUST stop if you are to live a normal and joyful life.

THe cure is painful but simple. Pray for the “theys” in your life. Then, consciously give them even more than they could possibly expect out of you, if only in the way you treat them! A smile is a contagious thing, and if you begin your dealings with the “theys” by a smile, then your chances are huge that they will treat you differently that day. And even if they don’t, remember that you are not required to change your beautiful outlook on life just because theirs is flawed! If you’re spreading joy, you’re more likely to keep it yourself!

If, instead of “theys” causing your self-pity, it is events, then conquering self-pity is still simple–not easy but simple. You simply welcome the event as a challenge that will strengthen you, not destroy you. Even a horrifying and depressing, unexpected divorce can be an empowering event, if you work on YOU! This is not psycho-babble, this is simply refusing to believe anything but the best for yourself and your loved ones.  And your dwelling on the good rather than the bad in any situation carves that mountain down into bite sized pieces that you can deal with.

Nothing conquers self-pity like perspective. Watch Denise and Jonnae’s story on transformation.com; or any of the inspirational videos of past champions in the Success Stories series. Read the stories of champions on the websites. Then, dry your tears and get to work!

It takes practice to get rid of self-pity, but it’s worth it, because in its place you will have POWER! Life changing power, and it takes life-changing power to accomplish a good transformation. And, once you stop feeling sorry for yourself, you have much more time to live the life of victory that you truly deserve!

The title of this blog is a question asked me by a BFL transformer after I had written him concerning his question. His question was how to deal with depression while doing a transformation. I suggested that to cure the depression he ought to purposely and regularly practice the universal law of reciprocation by finding someone he could help, who had no capacity to pay him back, and then do an anonymous good deed for them regularly.  Well, the question he came back with clearly revealed one of the main reasons he was depressed–SELFISHNESS!

Selfishness is without a doubt the most common cultural defect in the United States these days. Yet, it is not even recognized as a characterological problem by those who have it. In fact, best selling books have been written on how to make selfishness work for you–they they of course don’t use that exact word. They usually have titles like “Getting what you want,” or “Winning, no matter what!” What those books and selfish people don’t realize is that selfishness is a dead end street, that it is never satisfied, always wants more, and always wants to give less. Thus, a selfish person is always frustrated, always craving newer and bigger things or experiences, and ends up poor, lonely and friendless.

See, my selfish “friend,” who dropped out of BFL of course, failed to understand that the only CURE for selfishness is the exact opposite–SERVICE! And the best way to truly serve, and take all the grandiosity out of it, is to do a good deed for another, and never tell a soul! Servants don’t have buildings named after them, or gigantic foundations named after them–they have something much more important. They have HUGE hearts filled with joy, and a love of life that most others can only imagine.

That’s not all, either. Empirical research has shown that people who serve regularly have less heart disease, lower blood pressure, and way less incidents of depression.

Almost no one thinks of himself as selfish. So, to diagnose this problem, you really have to examine your results of your life. Where did you spend most of your money, and on whom? What do you do with your “spare time?” Who do you think will come to your funeral? Who do you think will miss you when you’re gone? What will they say at your funeral? Answers to those questions may tell you more about whether you’re selfish than anything else.

If you don’t like the answers, put down that laptop you’re reading this from, and go find someone you can help–NOW! And do it at least twice a week, and try not to tell anyone! Selfishness doesn’t live long in a life bathed with service!