Good morning! It’s great to be back home again. The days at sea on the Champion’s Cruise were awesome, and I’ll report more once I have an opportunity to truly process what went on, but still it’s always nice to get back home.

My message on the cruise was about 10 different points that you need to know to transform both physically and spiritually, and after the talk was over at least 10 people told me that one particular point had really been of interest to them. Since I kind of did a “flyover” on it, I wanted to address it in greater detail in this blog. It’s about LOVE and RESPECT.

I pointed out in my message that a couple’s challenge will stretch, stress and test your relationship like nothing else will. It is a wonderful opportunity to grow closer together, but unfortunately many couples end up using the challenge as a way of tearing each other apart.

The “cure” for the problems that can come up while working out together is keeping an eye on the principles of unconditional love and respect. The world “gets” the idea that we need to love unconditionally–which means loving by our actions, especially when the other person is essentially in an otherwise unlovable state! Unconditional love isn’t easy, but we guys at least understand it.

BUT, what the world doesn’t “get” is that while unconditional love is the heartcry of women–along with a strong need for security as well–it is less so for men. Men need unconditional RESPECT. Men don’t articulate this need often, but we give respect and need to get it in order to feel complete as a man.

Think about how military and paramilitary organizations work. They would collapse without the principle of respect. And respect in a marriage or other permanent relationship MUST be unconditional or it isn’t really respect. Don’t confuse respect with trust. You need not trust a person who has proven unworthy of trust. But respect not only does no harm, but it actually helps you both–just as unconditional love does.

How do you show respect for a man in a meaningful way? First, you need to really buy into how essential it is to guys, or you won’t do it! Once you’re settled on that, become a careful observer of his habits and actions. Look for the little things he does that make a difference to you or others and make note of them. Then, in a quiet moment, take him by the arm, draw close to him, and tell him that you respect how he does these things. Make it clear that it is his being a good man that you respect, not just the deed. That’s why it’s best to tell him about something he did for someone else–beause it leaves no room for confusion. You’re expressing respect, not gratitude!

Then, just watch for a while and see if he doesn’t seem to get a bit taller, and throw those shoulders back just a bit more. He will also become more loving to you as a result. So, respect generates love, which generates more respect, which generates more love from him and the cycle continues.

Unfortunately, the opposite is also true. If you disrespect him by belittling him, compare him to others unfavorably in areas of appearance, strength, or qualities, or scoff at him, you will deeply wound him. Some men lash out, but most simply grow silent and shrink inside. Don’t make the mistake of thinking he wasn’t hurt just because he said nothing–assume the opposite! Nothing wounds a man like feeling that his mate doesn’t respect him. Nothing!

As I mentioned in the talk, this is not something I came up with. The concept is biblical, Ephesians 5:33, and there is an entire book written on the topic. If you’d like more information on it, drop me a note and I’ll send it to you!

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