Yesterday we examined chronic fear from the perspective of how it affects our everyday lives and how we deal with it. Most of us deal with it by denying we have it, projecting it on others, or medicating ourselves with food or drugs so we don’t have to face it or deal with it.

Well you can continue to deny it, project it, or medicate yourself over it, but in the long haul it will not go away or lose its hold over you. In fact, for most people, chronic fear produces a whole new host of problems eventually–anxiety, ulcerative colitis, headaches, backaches, and so on. While fear might be a real boon for the medical and pharmaceutical industries, for those of us dealing with it, it becomes a life-altering nightmare over time.So, how do we get rid of it? It starts by admitting we have it. That means saying to ourselves and even others on occasion, “I am afraid…” It means we stop re-labeling it. Frankly, we are NOT “concerned, a bit nervous, or up-tight.” We are FEARFUL! The admission is the key to dealing with it. Once we admit we have a problem we then are freed to deal with it responsibly.

Second, we need to figure out where the heck it came from. For most of us, this means a bit of self-analysis, a bit of journaling perhaps, maybe even a talk with our parents about some things that happened to us as kids. Some prayerful asking of our Creator during a quiet time is helpful. A short personal retreat, away from all distractions, often leads to true “enlightenment” concerning the cause or causes. Third, and this is where the real work begins, we need to forgive. You’ll find almost certainly that your fear is from something involving another human being, perhaps an authority figure who belittled or took advantage of you, or an abusive relationship. You cannot win the game of life until you get free of the fear, and true freedom starts by doing away with every hidden or possible source of resentment. Forgive the person or persons who wronged you quickly and completely, whether you feel like it or not. Forgiveness involves action not feelings. Write it out, that you forgive so and so on such and such a date for doing this and that. Forgive yourself while you’re at it, for the time you’ve wasted, the things you’ve missed, and the people you’ve hurt along the way. Do that by writing down where you fell short, and just give it to God! Make amends where you need to, and then move forward. This is the eniire process of truly surrendering, and it is only through this surrender that you win!  Whatever you do, don’t leave out this critical step. There is often a situation where you have wronged another  and have simply avoided facing them and admitting it. It’s tough to do—as I have learned personally. But, the fear that comes from having chronically failed to render an appropriate apology and  appropriate amends can be just as corrosive as any other fear. To do this, you really have to set aside any idea of beginning your conversation with “well, we were both wrong….” Just stick with what YOU did, and the fear will just melt into absolute relief.

What’s next? Well, tomorrow we’ll talk about how to replace fear, and with what, and how we avoid sliding back into that slue of despond. It’s not as hard as you think. Like most things, it’s much easier to maintain a clean house than to have to do a complete remodeling job all the time. See you then!

This is a rerun of a series that I have done before. It so important that it is worth doing again.

The speaker said he could easily sum up the root cause of every one of his life’s failures in just one word,”fear.” I was there when he said it, and I was seated where I could watch about half the audience without turning around. What I saw was most interesting–the vast majority of that audience was nodding in agreement, as though to signal that they they understood and empathized with what he had just said. This speaker was a war hero, by the way!

When I have examined my own life’s failures, and have blown away the dust of denial and excuses, I too usually come up with that one word, FEAR!

I drank alcoholically for 18 years or so. I did it because I was afraid, afraid that people wouldn’t accept me if they really knew what I was like; afraid that I was going to fail at things; afraid that I would be alone and lonely; afraid that I would get sick. you name it, I was afraid of it, and alcohol was my daily cure for that illness!

I entered into a bad relationship years ago because I was afraid of being alone. I stayed in a bad business relationship for years because I was afraid of taking the risk of going out on my own. Fear has also been at the root of most of my other character defects, such as gossip, envy, jealousy, and rage. At the ROOT of each of these failures, there lurked fear, and the character defect is a way of acting like I wasn’t fearful, when in fact I was.

So, why are we discussing fear in a Transformation blog, you ask? let me ask you a question–what is the number one failure in any transformation attempt? Failure to finish is number one, far above all others put together. And something tells me that fear has an awful lot to do with that!

Oh sure, I’ve heard all the other excuses, and so have you! “I got sick. I hurt myself. My dog died. My parents divorced. My husband doesn’t want me to keep doing this. I’m too busy. It’s not working.” Yet, for most people that I have talked with, who eventually finished a challenge successfully, it actually required conquering a specific fear that they had–and all this other stuff was just window dressing in reality!

Fear is an equal opportunity life wrecker. It visits us all if we live long enough. And, it seems to me that it really comes calling about the time that we make up our minds that we’re going to do something life-changing. Some people think of fear as being caused by an inner conflict, some part of you that doesn’t want the other part to succeed. Others think of it as a very real and evil spiritual force. Whatever we think of it, the truth is that chronic fear is a corrosive, life-sapping, depressing force that we must rid ourselves of, if we are to live effectively and happily. Those who claim that fear is a great motivator are partially right. Fear can motivate people, whether you have it or inflict it, but the final effect of fear is to destroy people, not help them.

I can tell you this today about fear. Though it once absolutely ruled my life, today it does not. I can also tell you that if I obtained victory over fear, certainly you can as well. I can also promise you that if you gain victory over fear, Body for Life–and every other challenge that comes visiting you–will be conquerable and perhaps even enjoyable.

We’re running out of space today. Tomorrow, I’ll have some specific applications on conquering fear. But,if you want a little heads up on tomorrow, I’ll give you a little hint. Truly conquering fear takes believing in a power greater than yourself! And, to win, you have to surrender!