How do you cope with situations like travel, visiting relatives, events that “pop up,” and even occasional emergencies such as having to take a sick kid to the doctor or the ER, or in one lady’s case–being subpoenaed to court! Let’s talk.

FIRST, it’s tempting to just make a blog like this all about TIPS and TECHNIQUES. Some of this will be that, but there’s one over-arching principle we need to discuss first! I think all of you are smart enough to come up with solutions, but some of you just aren’t CONFIDENT enough to make the appropriate responses. BFL newbies begin with two emotions–excitement and FEAR! Neither will carry you through. You need more than emotion–you need a major character trait called COURAGE. Here’s what I mean.

STOP worrying about what others think about you! It’s not their job! The lady who was subpoenaed to court asked if it was appropriate to take a ready to drink in her purse and mentioned that court witnesses had their purses searched! She was afraid she would have to EXPLAIN why she had a shake in her purse and didn’t want to deal with that! Why? Fear! Look, I know lots of court guards, and there is NOTHING that they haven’t seen in a lady’s purse and these people have way too much to do than grill somebody about their Myoplex Lite! Get over it!

It’s the same way at work, though, isn’t it? You’re afraid somebody will see your drink and say, “Ohhh, another diet, huh?” Develop the “I can’t believe you had the nerve to ask me that” look, use it, and get on with it.

When you travel, do you take your overnight supplies, deodorant, toothbrush, shampoo, etc.? Of course! Are you embarrassed? No. Do you take little packets of tuna or chicken, Myoplex and a shake cup or a blender? Well, most of you don’t! You’d rather worry about what to do when you get there, right? For most of us, it’s just getting over that awkward feeling about following this routine. When I travel, I take a gym bag that has NO gym clothes–that’s another bag. Instead, this bag is filled with a full-sized blender, lots of MRPs, some tuna, chicken and salmon packets (individual sizes), some baggies with brown rice or whole wheat tortillas in them, baggies with supplements, my journal, and disposable drink cups. It weighs 15 pounds. I never miss a meal while traveling, and I have never “had to” resort to something that wasn’t appropriate. That bag is always stored in my car trunk. There’s a bottle of drinking water in there too, so I just have no excuse for missing a meal. I even have a device in my trunk that will run a blender in a pinch.

What if someone sees my bag and all my goofy things? Look, it’s a GREAT OPPORTUNITY to tell them about Body for Life! Deana Langham has said several times that when she met me at Knoxville and saw that I was hauling “the bag” with blender and Myoplex to my room, she KNEW I was going to be a champion some day!

How about the “conference menu?” You know, the hotel tables filled with muffins, bagels, and other sweet treats during a conference break. Take a ready to drink instead and put it right in your purse or briefcase. More than once someone has asked me why I am not eating the “goodies.” I just plainly say “I NEVER eat crap like that!” They never ask a second time.

Courage! Those without it end up fat, dumb and unhappy! How do you get courage? You just act courageous, even if you’re scared! You’ll get there. Don’t worry about losing “friends.” Worry about making the right ones, people who care more about you than what you’re eating at the moment.

This is a rerun of an old blog from the past. It is old, but the principles in it are timeless. SAY IT OFTEN ENOUGH, and YOU BEGIN TO BELIEVE IT YOURSELF! How do you achieve what Bill Phillips called the “power mindset?” Well, as Bill points out in the book, it begins with getting organized and ends with keeping self-promises. That’s all true. But there is another dimension to it as well, that is a part of keeping self-promises. That is cleaning up your language and your thoughts!

No, I’m not talking about THOSE kinds of thoughts, guys!. I’m talking about negative or self-deceiving thoughts and statements. Here are some examples: “I am sooo tired, I think I’ll just sleep in a bit and then hit that cardio first thing after work.” TRUE MEANING: I’m too lazy to do cardio this morning and I’m blowing it off for the day.

“I’m thinking I may have another appointment this evening and I may have to reschedule our training session tonight.” TRUE MEANING: There’s something I’d rather do this evening than work out, though I don’t have the guts to tell you that directly!

“I’m going to have the cheesecake dessert but a little extra cardio tonight will burn that right off.” TRUE MEANING: I really don’t care nearly as much about how this challenge turns out as I say I do.

Well, you get the idea. What I’m suggesting is that the little white lies we tell others become the little white lies we tell ourselves. And, when we’re not honest with ourselves, we have no hope of engaging the kind of discipline it takes for a serious challenge result. To be successful you have to be able to master all those little fleshly lusts and desires, and you can’t do that until you have the quality of self-honesty. This is really the main reason you MUST keep a journal. If you intend to do it, and you write it down, you’re much less likely to lie to yourself later on!

This is a series on principles and laws that will help or hurt you as you transform–depending on whether you choose to abide by them, ignore them, or intentionally violate them!  Yesterday’s principle was you will reap what you sow. What you do will come back to you. It is the bedrock principle of the others we will talk about this week.

Today’s topic is particularly applicable to Body for Life, but also to life in general. “Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.” We are talking about both physical and emotional pain. And when I say “suffering is optional” I am not referring to grieving. I think grieving is a natural and expected response to the pain of a significant loss, whether of a person or a relationship. What I mean by “suffering” is prolonging the pain by revisiting it, or creating circumstances that cause you to dwell on it, or trying  to gain sympathy or some advantage from it.

In body for life or any other transformation plan, disappointments and injuries will happen. People will disappoint you, by trying to sabotage your challenge, or by simply refusing to join in with you. Others will disappoint you by making snide comments or simply ignoring the progress you make, or even by insinuating that they are worried about your health from this “obsession.” No doubt, these kinds of cutting remarks or behavior are hurtful. They cause pain. But, if you elect to “suffer,” you will find yourself reaping what you sow–more suffering. Getting into arguments with family who don’t support you, or starting it up with co-workers who have insulted you, will literally just cause you to suffer and to resent them more, and they won’t even know how angry you are!

The solution? Actively forgive them! And DON’T get into the drama as they play their roles. Just don’t! Look, I know it’s hard, but turning and walking away, or just saying, “I’m sorry–I don’t want to argue about this–you may be right but I’m going to give this a go and see how it turns out,” is far superior to the sinking and depressing feeling you’ll have if you let yourself blow your stack over this.

It’s also tempting to get your friends on your side, by coming onto the message boards and “venting” about what someone did to you.  Before you pull that, think about what it would do to you if someone were to pull that same thing with you on the other side. Secondly, please recognize that in spite of the gloss you put on it, this is nothing more than an ad hominem attack on another. Rather than arguing the merit, you will be arguing what an unfair jerk the other is. One thing I learned from my years as an elected politician (Kansas State Senator) is that an ad hominem attack (attacking a person rather than the person’s opinions) is that while it might bring the other person down in reputation, it will not elevate yours either. People quickly tire of complainers and self-pitying persons, so don’t be that guy!

Again, forgive! Second, don’t wash your dirty laundry in public! These are easier said than done, but they can be done, and if they are, you will finish your challenge–and you will finish it with much more stronger character and deeper integrity than you had when you started.  

 The title of this blog is a restatement of the old principle that you will reap what you sow.  It is such a universal and predictable phenomenon that in some circles it is referred to as “the law of sowing and reaping.” Let’s see how it works in a transformation challenge, shall we?

First of all, what Bill Phillips called the universal law of reciprocation is essentially the same thing as the principle that you will reap what you sow. Bill says that you should do good for others whenever you get the chance and that good things will come back to you without you even having to keep track of it. When I mention this principle to others who are struggling with certain issues, such as envy or jealousy, I generally recommend that they not only do nice things for others, but that they specifically target their good deeds toward people who have no capacity to pay them back, and to do it anonymously, telling no one.Practicing the principle that way not only eventually gets good things back to the person doing it, but it also gives them the immediate and almost indescribable joy that comes from anonymously helping another in need.

 Pop psychology would probably have a ready answer for why it happens that way, but I tend to think that when we act more like God, we become more joyful and less selfish.  One working a transformation who does things like folks did several months ago, sending supplies of supplements to troops in Iraq, gets a terrific boost from just doing that act. And they get much more back when they hear from the folks they helped. The people who did this also got a renewed vigor for finishing their challenges as strongly and carefully as they possibly could. All that, just for sending some supplements to another. 

Want to test this “law” before spending a lot of time deciding who to help and what to do? The quickest test you can come up with is just to paste a smile on your face with every person you meet. See how often you get that smile back. In fact, make a mental note of it. Then, put a frown on your face as you encounter someone, and see what you get back. It’s a quick analogy of how this works in real life. It’s also a reminder that this principle of reaping and sowing is a kissing cousin to the age old “golden rule” about loving your neighbor as you love yourself.

Newcomers to the transformation routine often decide to put this off until they get the transformation routine down pat. But, many of them would also probaably admit that they have put this principle off for most of their lives. Indeed, for many, the fix they are in when they come to this program can be traced to taking actions that were calculated only to benefit them, and to cutting corners in other essential areas of their lives. This  kind of behavior inevitably leads to sadness, depression and repressed anger, which all lead to overeating and underperforming.  So, it stands to reason that acting the opposite of selfish will be the way out of those syndromes.

Make working the law of sowing and reaping a regular, at least weekly, “exercise” that you write in your journal just like your workouts. You’ll be glad you did! 

I think that most of us are pretty lousy judges of our motives, and those of others, and of our desires. It’s not that we don’t have good motives and desires, it’s that we don’t really know what they are.

Here are a couple of examples from my own life. As I walked down the hall to my room in a treatment center in 1983, where I was to spend the next 28 days, I thought for sure that my life was over. I thought I was going to live a miserable existence from that day forward because I had to drink to be happy. I actually learned that I could become a wholly happy person without alcohol. I was wrong about what would make me happy. When I was entering the BFL contests, I always wanted to win the jacket, the symbol of that great award. Today, the jacket just hangs in a closet. It’s nice, and I like it, but by itself it doesn’t make me happy at all. In fact, what makes me truly happy is speaking and working with people about body for life. Again, I really missed understanding what truly satisfies me.

And, as far as motives, those things that make us tick, and make us do things, I am probably no better judge of my true motives than I am of yours.  That worries me. In fact, it is why I do certain things so I don’t have to worry about my own motives.

I do something “nice” for somebody at least weekly and don’t tell anyone. It can be giving money, by putting it where they’ll find it, or just doing a task for them without them knowing who did it, but it has to cost me something. Compliments are no substitute for working the universal law of reciprocation. I do this so that I will remember that true joy comes from having pure motives, motives that can only benefit another in a material way, and that actually cost me something. The other thing I do regularly is examine myself. I write down my failings and shortcomings; I keep short accounts–quickly apologizing where I may have offended another; and I write down other ways I have fallen short. I spend time in prayer, and I try to encourage others. This helps, because if I still somehow form a selfish motive inconsistent with what I force myself to practice, I’m sometimes able to see it coming, and nip it in the bud.

I think that to the extent we do not know our true motives, we are handicapped in our abilities to be effective in this great society. We can also encounter sudden and strong feelings that throw us off when something unexpected happens if we are not aware of our motives and desires. Every year, when the BFL champions are announced, many noble and dedicated contenders are shocked to find out just how depressed and upset they are  when they are passed over as champions. They are shocked because they failed to read their true motives and desires, not because they are petty or evil in any sense. If we have some understanding of what really makes us tick, then we are usually far more effective in helping those around us. That, after all, is the best reason in the world to transform–in order to help transform the rest of the world!

The finishing of a challenge, and the announcement of champions, should be a source of joy for all of us. When failure to truly know ourselves causes us to nosedive at that news, we have shortchanged ourselves. I hope this encourages all of us to work on ourselves–to do things for others without getting caught, and to examine our actions in light of our perceived motives. We’ll all be happier if we do–and far more effective as transformers as well.

Most people have more responsibility around the home than I do these days. But, just because the kids have all finally left, it doesn’t mean I don’t have battles to wage that can distract me from the Body for Life lifestyle. And that’s what most battles do–distract us, rather than solving anything. The first key to living an organized, peaceful life is knowing when to disagree, when to go to battle, and when to just overlook something and get on with life. The second key to life is making sure that you’re REALLY overlooking something, rather than just pushing all your emotions down inside you, because if that’s what you’re doing, you’re just delaying the moment at which you will blow your top! And blowing your top is exactly what you don’t want to do, because anger, no matter how “righteous it is, is corrosive, and it’s a distraction you just can’t afford while doing a challenge. Here are my major weaknesses: Allowing people to make their problems my problems, and being unable to say no to people who are demanding my time, my money or something else from me. Those are clearly related defects, aren’t they? Now, I usually gloss over these character defects by saying that I “don’t want to hurt their feelings” or that I “really like” helping people with their problems. Well, I do, but even when I know that someone is just trying to take advantage of me, I still say that sometimes. So, what ends up happening is you not only waste your time or your resources on something you shouldn’t have, but you also end up mad at yourself for doing it. At least I  end up that way! Though they love us, family members become real experts at playing on our weaknesses, don’t they? Years ago, I took a course in raising children and learned a couple of things that really help me today, when I choose to remember them. One was that it is just fine to say, “Oh, I’m sorry–that’s really too bad for YOU, isn’t it?” This puts the responsiblity right back on the person who thinks that a sudden emergency created by their neglect should somehow result in your rescuing them. The second is simply to ask yourself, before engaging in potentially conflict building behavior, “Is this a hill worth dying on?”  I have rephrased that question and simply ask myself, “Is this going to matter a year from now?” If it’s not, then I don’t draw my sword! If it might, I think about it a while. If it clearly will, then I spring into action. I’m not perfect yet, but I’m not the doormat I once was. And that actually gives me much more time to organize my life, and to help people that I really want to! That not only doesn’t create resentment–it creates joy!

My friend Dave Wendel, a pharmacist from Poplar Bluffs Missouri, and a 2004 jump start winner, shows old photos of himself when he tells his body for life story. Some of the ones that are really startling are old driver’s license photographs. It doesn’t even look like him, that big guy staring into the camera with a furrowed brow and kind of a sad countenance. Today, his photos reveal an entirely different looking and entirely happy guy. Yesterday, I was speaking at a corporate event and had occasion to see a couple of things that reminded me of Dave’s story. They were the ID photos of a couple of employees where I was speaking, photos taken not all that long ago, but that the photos hardly resemble the much thinner and very radiant faces of their owners. They looked so different that if I was the guard at the door and didn’t know them, I would probably ask for more documentation before I let them in! I’m not going to tell you who they are, because I didn’t get their permission to write about them, but it was great proof–as though we needed more–that Body for Life changes not only the exterior but the interior as well.   You’ll go through several stages as you do your transformation challenge. Some days you’ll feel wonderful, and other days you’ll feel like you-know-what! But, one thing is clear. If you continue to work hard, eat right and keep the right atttude, your face and the rest of you will glow with evidence of the hard work you’ve put in!  I’m glad I got to meet these ladies and hear their stories. It is really one of the main reasons I like to go speak to groups. Though I’m expected to tell my story, I really like to hear theirs. It just enthuses me all over again about this terrific program, Body for Life!  You’ll be amazed before you’re done. Amazed that you have stuck with this, maybe the very first plan that has really worked for you. And you’ll also be amazed that what you thought would be a way to say good bye to a few pounds has added a whole lot of joy to your life–and to your face!  

The last few days I haven’t been my old self. I’ve been quiet at work, seemingly disinterested around the home, and feeling tired a good deal of the time as well. I really couldn’t put a finger on it until this morning–but I knew something wasn’t quite right.

Well, this morning I got some news I had been waiting for, and had been worrying about as well. It was just news–neither good nor bad–but it was information I needed to have in order to be able to do something important next week. As soon as I saw the email that had the news in it, it was like the dam burst and all was well again. BUT, it wasn’t until that moment that I actually connected the lack of information with the uneasiness and dysfunction I’d been experiencing all week!

That’s the strange thing about the mind. Something can be going on in the background, kind of like a program running in the background of your computer, and something that is messing up you powers of concentration, your sense of joy, and even how you feel physically. As you can see, I’m not immune to those strange experiences but I do have some tips on how to avoid it happening and affecting your transformation efforts long-term.

First of all, there is more to it than just your normal conscious thoughts. The human being is much more than just a physical body. There is also a mind, soul and spirit. People have different ideas, but I like to think of the soul as the residence of the mind and spirit, and as a kind of a mingling place or a stilling basin for what goes on in the body, and the mind and the spirit. (A stilling basin is a kind of concrete pond at the end of the spillway of a dam and its purpose is to slow the energy of the water and avoid unnecessary erosion below the dam.)

So, for all to be “well with my soul” as the old hymn describes, there needs to be a conscious understanding that there is definitely an interconnection between the body and the mind and spirit. And then there has to be conscious action to do the things necessary to slow down the things that are going on.

People in recovery do this when they go through the checklist called H.A.L.T. It stands for hungry, angry, lonely and tired, and it is a way of trying to figure out what is causing a cascade of emotions in you, so that you can take the steps to correct it. The corrective steps of course for those problems are eating, forgiveness, social interaction, and rest. If I had been smart, I would have sat down and said to myself: “Why are you afraid?” I say that because I know that fear is the one mindset that messes me with more than any other. And I know that fear is so powerful that I almost always choose to avoid it initially by just pretending that everything is o.k. The telltale sign, though, is when I grow quiet, and I just failed to recognize it. Had I realized that it was fear, then I would have done something about and taken proactive measures instead of just waiting for the news to come along.

For you, it may not be a checklist you need. It may be that you need to phone a friend, or do some journaling, or pray for insight. Often, I find the answer to my distress when I do something I’ve done for years–put Milly the wonder dog on a leash and go for a long walk outside. That might work for you too, and if you don’t have a dog, you’ll do just fine anyway!

One thing is for sure. Doing a transformation challenge without a clear understanding of and control of your mind makes it twice as hard and not much fun!

I wrote it in my journal last night–circled it, highlighted it, dated it and even wrote in the exact time. The entry reads, ” PB! Single lift BP, 215, 8-6-08, 7:50 P.M.!”

This short entry memorializes the fact that last evening I did a 215 pound bench press of one lift at my home gym. It may not sound like a big deal to most people. Heck, there are some bodybuilders who start their warmup sets higher than that! But, for me, a 62 year old guy who has had 4 shoulder operations and three on a shattered collar bone, who was told he should never bench press again, that is A BIG DEAL! And I’m not done either. My “goal” for this challenge I am on is to do a single lift bench press of 250 pounds!

I know–I’m bragging. But, I really more than anything want to make a point that I hope you’ll find encouraging. And the point is this: No “barrier” that a doctor or another or even your own mind sets for you is impenetrable. With hard work, with a willingness to endure regular setbacks, pain and sacrifice, much more than you can imagine you are capable of can be accomplished!

Here’s what the news looked like 5 years ago. I was just getting back into the exercise business after having a second surgery on my right torn rotator cuff, and then having a massive infection in the shoulder which landed me in the hospital for a week and kept me in a sling and on IV antibiotics for months. A third surgery on that same shoulder resulted in removal of some necrotic (rotted) muscle and some other debris in the joint. I literally looked like I had a muscle wasting disease as I stared in the mirror. My trap muscle was the size of a rope, and my right arm and shoulder girdle were shrunken noticably compared to the left. The doctor sent me to a therapist and gave me a list of “don’ts” that included “pullups, barbell bench presses, dips, overhead lifting, reaching out in front of me, and some others I’ve since forgotten.

I honestly don’t advocate simply doing what you want in spite of what a doctor tells you, but in this case, I just began pushing the envelope as I felt capable. I think the surgeon was primarily trying to avoid putting me back into an injury situation again, and neither of us was looking forward to going through a nightmare like the one that had transpired. I refused to believe that my body was so frail that it could never again do any of those things, and so far, I’ve been correct!

There really is power in a mindset. Refusing to believe negative things, and instead looking forward always to better and bigger things will gradually get you there. In my case, I can now do 25 wide grip pullups, rather than the none I was told to do. I can do 22 dips, or 12 with 32 pounds of weight added to my body weight, rather than the none I was told. You already know about the bench pressing, and as for overhead lifting, I really am careful there, and I never lift more than 40 pounds overhead in each hand.

What’s next? I have lofty goals for this challenge! I hope to meet them and I will report back as time goes on. My goals for my next challenge will be emerging soon enough. One thing is for sure–they’ll be lofty, but achievable. And they will keep me always looking for more!

I hope you’re looking ahead, and that you’re expecting more  out of yourself than others are!

You know what? Every one of us has something that is a recurring theme of failure for us. For some of us, it is our temper. For others, it can be giving in to cravings, lying, laziness, self-sabotage, self-hatred, addictive smoking or drinking. Some harbor resentments toward a spouse or family member and secretly blame them for life’s failures. This is not an inclusive list, and some of us have more than one of these. I don’t know what you call these ugly mindsets, but I call them “strongholds.”  However, there’s GOOD NEWS on the horizon! You can do a transformation challenge and at the same time work on your character defects that are holding you back. Notice that I said YOUR character defects, and didn’t say a thing about THOSE OTHERS who are doing these things to you! That’s because for you to have serenity and peace, you need to fix the one person you are empowered to fix—you! The other person and what they are doing is not your problem, but your response to their behavior is! As the old saying goes, your response is your responsibility! And, there’s even better news coming. I cannot give you names, because I don’t reveal confidential information about people. BUT, I can promise you that there ARE people on the Tracker, the guestbook and elsewhere who have had what you have that is killing your efforts, and they have conquered it by fixing themselves and letting God fix the other people.  My guess is that if you figure out how to openly admit what your issue is, without revealing hurtful details that might harm you or others, that there is someone who will see that post, and will contact you and tell you what worked for them.  These people have learned not only how to live with a situation  they once viewed as intolerable, but they have learned the secret of being joyful while they do. And they have also learned that helping others get free of this tyranny of their minds makes them even more joyful. You know who you are out there, you wounded healers! I love you; and I know you read these blogs! Don’t let me down, and please help the folks who need it the most.  You were once just as lost and isolated and frustrated as you could be, and on some days that seems like just a distant memory! Thanks! Blessings to all of you this beautiful weekend! Life is great, and God is good—all the time!