“When Will You Get Back to Normal Again?”
by: Michael Harris  1/31/2008
 

Has your husband or wife or other family member asked you that already? If not, you are a blessed person, because most of us will get that question many times before we’re done with our challenge.

See, those closest to you, even those who have been openly critical of how you have let yourself go, often feel threatened by your new Body for Life lifestyle. They don’t feel comfortable watching you spend so much time trying to get yourself back in shape. Why? Well, that topic is too complicated for a short blog, but I will simply let that go with this observation: Those who see another change often feel threatened because they either feel neglected, or they feel guilty about their own shortcomings in their health or SOME OTHER SIGNIFICANT DISCIPLINE in their life. It is far easier for them to criticize and try to sabotage your activity than it is to admit their own problems and to have to deal with them.

Assume with me for a minute that you believe what I wrote above to be true. Would it help to argue with your family member, or to be critical of where they might have fallen short? Not a bit. It will only escalate things into phrases such as, “WELL, YOU always……”

You know how these fights go–you’ve had them hundreds of times with this same person–only just over different things.

Here’s your solution. Simply lavish unconditional love on that person. Invite him to go with you on the BFL journey, but don’t wait around for him. AND DON’T remind them of their shortcomings in retaliation for how they hurt you. Believe me, if this is a guy, he doesn’t even really know how that stupid remark hurt you. And letting him have it will only make things worse. You will win them over by accepting and loving them exactly the way they are, no matter what they have said or done to you. Revenge has no place in a Body for Life lifestyle.

Back to that question for a minute. “When will you be normal again?” Actually, you are normal right this minute, and if you do it right, Body for LIFE will be your life. This represents the NEW you. It’s not just a diet that gets you to where you can start getting fat and out of shape again. It truly is a new lifestyle that will free you from many things–including lapsing back into old habits, and the need to get even with others.

So, how do you resist the need to get even? Pray for that person every single day, twice a day, to have the same blessings you want for yourself. And, before you open your mouth in spite, silently say the serenity prayer to yourself–something like “give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Silence will quickly appear to be the best option. And it gets easier every time you have to wrestle with it. Over time, when you no longer take the bait, your family member will stop casting it in your direction. Heck, he might even come work out with you one of these days!

God bless!

This blog was first published in September 2007.

Have you seen them? Those messages on the guestbook or over on the Tracker where someone comes on and says something like, “I did this challenge back in 2000 and lost 18 pounds and looked great. Then, life got in the way, and I am actually at my heaviest and fattest and unhappiest ever. I’m hoping this still works as well as it did last time.” What happened? How could they have put that much work into twelve weeks, seen that much success, and then somehow just let it all leak away?

Well, I’ve had some experience in that regard myself, and in my case it was always an injury that kept me from working out for several months, or in te last case, an injury plus sadness and depression from losing a dear friend unexpectedly during a lung transplant surgery. I think for most people, though, it’s an entirely different reason–failing to hear the two most important words in the book. “FOR LIFE.”

Those are the words in the book–they’re even in the title–that many of us read but just don’t hear. In a society that values appearance and freedom over continuity and lasting relationships, the words “for life” just seem to zing right over our heads. This is true even though Bill Phillips takes great pains to point out to us that he still does exactly what has worked for him for so many years. That is, he does the 20 minute aerobic solution in the early morning three days a week, lifts weights in an intense manner three times a week, and eats six times a day. What happened to the people who did the post I mentioned at the beginning, and to lots more of us, is that even though they were great at making changes over the short term, they never really saw this as something that they’d need to do for life.

Anyone can learn to exercise and do it regularly. You see those people at the clubs every day–doing exactly the same routines and in the same ways every single day. And they’re not changing a bit, are they? No, not for the better or worse–they’re just staying in place. What makes the changes is what they don’t do, and we need to keep doing–eating the six small meals a day. For me, and for everyone, that’s the hardest part.

We are literally pushing back against a lifetime of three squares a day tradition, and it takes months to develop that habit. I told a reporter who interviewed me for BFL that it took six months to really develop that habit of eating six small meals a day. Really, it was probably closer to a year, but I didn’t want to scare people off!

Take my word for this. Once you develop that habit, you’ll adhere to it as well as every other one you’ve truly developed, but it really does take months, an it really is the key to this whole program.

Six small meals a day. That’s the key to your success!

“Adversity has struck!” That is often the cry from a relatively short-time transforming challenger when something comes up that causes a setback in his or her efforts to do the best challenge they can. Following that, there is usually a cascade of endless advice from others about how to best deal with the bad hand the person has been dealt.

All this assumes that adversity is bad, is unwanted, unwelcomed and unprofitable.  But the truth is, adversity can actually end up being one of the best things that ever happened to the challenger.

Adversity comes along for several reasons. Sometimes, it is from poor planning or no planning. When I forget my food at home, that is adversity to me, though to others it might be an invitation to go somewhere and eat out. Most adversity that comes from lousy planning or forgetfulness is really not for any creative purpose. The best that can usually be made of it is an example, that example being one that hopefully does not repeat itself. 

Adversity that comes about through no fault of the trainee but due to the efforts of one of his family members is best used as a welcome lesson to the trainee. What is the lesson? The lesson of course is that you can control only yourself. You cannot control the behavior of others, though you can certainly influence it. And, people respond to positive influence better than they do negative influence. In fact, your problem with a family member proves that. Had they exerted positive rather than negative influence on you in the way of their behavior we wouldn’t even be talking about this.

Here’s what you do when it’s not your fault. You simply forgive. If you believe in the power of prayer, it is certainly the best step to ask your Creator to help place a forgiving spirit in you. The rest is all action steps on your part. You must actively forgive this person by acting that way. Simply make any amends that might be needed because of your overreaction to their behavior, apologize for it as well, and then take the action steps to forgive them by simply treating them as though they had done absolutely nothing to you. Do something especially nice for them that they absolutely don’t deserve, and treat them like royalty. And, understand that this is for YOU, not them!
 
Adversity, when treated properly, can be one of the best experiences of a challenge. Not one of the most welcome experiences, but one of those things that helped to hone and harden you into the fitness athlete you’ve always wanted to be, with a disciplined mind and a loving spirit.

In the Bible, the word “remember” occurs 166 times. In the book of Deuteronomy alone, where God is telling the Israelites to remember what He did for them, and how to do that,, the word occurs 16   times. History clearly records both in the Bible and elsewhere what happened to the Israleites when they forgot what God had done, and started living by their own rules instead–and it wasn’t good!

The guestbook over on the Body for Life website also is a great example of what happens to people who fail to remember. They often come back after months of absence, to record that “life got in the way” and that they quit working out and eating right and–well, you know exactly what follows the “and.” They are in worse shape than ever!

Remembering is critical  if you hope to not only achieve a successful challenge but also to keep the results. So, how do you do that? Well, one of the critical ingredients to building a memory is keeping a written contemporaneous record of your achievements. In this game, we call that a workout journal. A carefully documented journal with all your exercises, meals and life experiences in it is very valuable for review purposes, and will also help you to create and realize such a significant investment in your transformation that just for that reason alone you will be less likely to let it go away.

Another great way of remembering and adding value to your transformation is to get what I call “institutional memory” by making friends and associates by participating in forums like the Transformation website, the Body for Life guestbook, or the Tracker. Even better–meet up with these people in person at a safe place and get acquainted with them. You will be amazed how quickly the common interest in transformations will have you making lifelong friends of many of these people. And not only are they lifelong friends, but they will be a quick resource when you get weak, or a crisis arrives or “life gets in the way.” They will know you, and they will love you enough to try to help you through the tough times.

As a safe place to meet, I can think of none better than the upcoming Tennessee Body for Life Champions weekend in Knoxville Tennessee. It starts on October 10 and ends on the 12th. The entire fee for the event, which includes a banquet, a keynote address by Bill Phillips, and many activities and a nice goody bag, is a very affordable $65. You can go to their website for registration details. https://www.tnchampweekend.com/

Not to worry if you are not yet a champion. This weekend is for anyone interested in fitness, and that includes YOU, or you wouldn’t be reading this.

That’s it. Invest in your transformation, in order that you remember and that you add value to it. Keep a good journal; make friends; go to events that matter; and of course, work the universal law of reciprocation by helping those who cannot help themselves.