O.K., so you don’t really talk to yourself—not out loud anyway. But you certainly talk to yourself in the way that you think about some things. And how you talk to yourself in your thoughts will tell you nearly everything you need to know about your likelihood of completing a successful transformation. Self-talk reveals attitudes about yourself.

For example, a thought that says “I must have the approval of (fill in this person’s name) in order to feel good about myself” tends to show that your sense of self-worth is not very high. Someone with that kind of mindset will often do about anything to please others, but usually ends up being overly sensitive to criticism, withdrawing from others to avoid their disapproval, and ultimately ends up in depression and anger. So, a transformation that begins with the goal of obtaining the admiration or acceptance of another usually winds up with the person worse off than they were when they started.

A person who says to himself that he must meet certain standards in order to feel good about himself creates a fear of failure, an attitude of perfectionism, a tendency to manipulate others to achieve success, and usually ends up with a progression consisting of avoiding healthy risks, becoming resentful of others’ successes, withdrawal and depression.

An attitude that is shame-based, one that says “I am what I am, I can’t change—it’s hopeless” writes its own self-fulfilling prophesy in a challenge.

The most difficult mindset, though, is the one that says to itself “those who fail are unworthy of love and deserve punishment.” What makes this one so difficult is that almost no one recognizes they have it, even though it’s pretty common. It is just such a silly way of thinking and acting that no one thinks they could be that way—yet watch how people treat their selves when they fail, and you will see many who truly act like they are unworthy of love and deserve punishment.

So, what kind of a mindset does it take to do a good challenge? Here are a couple that jump to my mind right away:

1. Porter Freeman’s mindset. When he looked in the mirror, and when he considered the challenge, he saw a different person than the one he knew he really was . And he said to himself, “I have more character than that.” He didn’t just transform, he revealed himself, as the man he knew he really was. That’s why he wanted it, why he made it a priority, and why he succeeded. He recognized the good in himself, and set out to reclaim it.
2. Stephen Cater’s mindset: He saw his father lose his health, and pay the ultimate price for it. And he found in himself a desire and strength to be different, to turn out different. In his challenge, he not only honored his father, but ensured that his own family would not have to gather at his bedside as he died of a self-inflicted disease.

Men and women with the attitudes of Porter and Stephen can’t help but be winners. That’s because they are doing it for the right reasons, out of the appropriate mindsets. Because they are acting with right motives, they also can’t help but give away what they’ve found, by helping others any way they can. They are wonderful examples of the universal law of reciprocation. They are, in a word or two, true champions.