One of the most common reasons given for failing to successfully finish a challenge is peer pressure. Peer pressure is a real and powerful phenomenon. But it’s not as simple as it seems. Most people who feel what they say is peer pressure are experiencing a combination of peer pressure and low self-confidence. This is an important point, because the cure for one will not affect the other.

See, if you just lack self-confidence– which is a form of fear–you’ll always be tempted to take the way of least resistance, and others are always willing to allow you to do that, because it also makes life easier for them. For example, if you forced your spouse to do a transformation with you, once you lose confidence and decide to quit, that also relieves your spouse of having to do a transformation. It wasn’t your spouse who pressured you into quitting—it was your lack of confidence in yourself that did you in. The cure for all fear is right actions. If you do the next right thing in front of you for a while, you’ll realize that what you thought was all peer pressure was mostly just your own lack of self-confidence (fear) and others taking advantage of it.

If the peer pressure is real, that’s different. There, you need a few people who will be there for you, who are of the same mind you are. You need a small “community.” These should be BFL’ers who share the same goals and passions you do. This doesn’t mean they have to be there all the time, but you have to have people who can help you get through something with a phone call or an email or some other form of personal contact. With these like-minded people, you will not feel alone and vulnerable, and you’ll be able to resist the temptation that comes from your peers. You’ll feel like you’re doing something important and worth standing up for. This is the power of community. The stories of loners often make great movies, but in real life, loners get devoured!

Peer pressure never stops. It’s worset in your younger years, because you don’t have the experience to understand that being in with the in-crowd is not the way to happiness. But, even at my age, 62, peer pressure is here to stay. There are two ways for me to lose in a peer pressure situation, to give in to it, or to let the peers anger me. Either one diminishes my peace. Today, I choose to stay aligned with small groups of strong people who help me stay on track, and I choose to respect and accept people who disagree with me, without letting it bother me. It’s not easy to deal with others who are trying to change us, but it is certainly possible to do so. The key is to let them know that you are committed to what you are committed to, that they cannot change that, but that you respect them even though you do not agree with them.

To review, look first within yourself to see if the perceived peer pressure is coming from your fears rather than from others. If it is from within, keep doing the next right thing in front of you, and you’ll conquer your fears. If it is from others, begin by accepting them and respecting them without allowing them to change you, and stay close to your small community.