This is a series on principles and laws that will help or hurt you as you transform–depending on whether you choose to abide by them, ignore them, or intentionally violate them!  Yesterday’s principle was you will reap what you sow. What you do will come back to you. It is the bedrock principle of the others we will talk about this week.

Today’s topic is particularly applicable to Body for Life, but also to life in general. “Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.” We are talking about both physical and emotional pain. And when I say “suffering is optional” I am not referring to grieving. I think grieving is a natural and expected response to the pain of a significant loss, whether of a person or a relationship. What I mean by “suffering” is prolonging the pain by revisiting it, or creating circumstances that cause you to dwell on it, or trying  to gain sympathy or some advantage from it.

In body for life or any other transformation plan, disappointments and injuries will happen. People will disappoint you, by trying to sabotage your challenge, or by simply refusing to join in with you. Others will disappoint you by making snide comments or simply ignoring the progress you make, or even by insinuating that they are worried about your health from this “obsession.” No doubt, these kinds of cutting remarks or behavior are hurtful. They cause pain. But, if you elect to “suffer,” you will find yourself reaping what you sow–more suffering. Getting into arguments with family who don’t support you, or starting it up with co-workers who have insulted you, will literally just cause you to suffer and to resent them more, and they won’t even know how angry you are!

The solution? Actively forgive them! And DON’T get into the drama as they play their roles. Just don’t! Look, I know it’s hard, but turning and walking away, or just saying, “I’m sorry–I don’t want to argue about this–you may be right but I’m going to give this a go and see how it turns out,” is far superior to the sinking and depressing feeling you’ll have if you let yourself blow your stack over this.

It’s also tempting to get your friends on your side, by coming onto the message boards and “venting” about what someone did to you.  Before you pull that, think about what it would do to you if someone were to pull that same thing with you on the other side. Secondly, please recognize that in spite of the gloss you put on it, this is nothing more than an ad hominem attack on another. Rather than arguing the merit, you will be arguing what an unfair jerk the other is. One thing I learned from my years as an elected politician (Kansas State Senator) is that an ad hominem attack (attacking a person rather than the person’s opinions) is that while it might bring the other person down in reputation, it will not elevate yours either. People quickly tire of complainers and self-pitying persons, so don’t be that guy!

Again, forgive! Second, don’t wash your dirty laundry in public! These are easier said than done, but they can be done, and if they are, you will finish your challenge–and you will finish it with much more stronger character and deeper integrity than you had when you started.  

 The title of this blog is a restatement of the old principle that you will reap what you sow.  It is such a universal and predictable phenomenon that in some circles it is referred to as “the law of sowing and reaping.” Let’s see how it works in a transformation challenge, shall we?

First of all, what Bill Phillips called the universal law of reciprocation is essentially the same thing as the principle that you will reap what you sow. Bill says that you should do good for others whenever you get the chance and that good things will come back to you without you even having to keep track of it. When I mention this principle to others who are struggling with certain issues, such as envy or jealousy, I generally recommend that they not only do nice things for others, but that they specifically target their good deeds toward people who have no capacity to pay them back, and to do it anonymously, telling no one.Practicing the principle that way not only eventually gets good things back to the person doing it, but it also gives them the immediate and almost indescribable joy that comes from anonymously helping another in need.

 Pop psychology would probably have a ready answer for why it happens that way, but I tend to think that when we act more like God, we become more joyful and less selfish.  One working a transformation who does things like folks did several months ago, sending supplies of supplements to troops in Iraq, gets a terrific boost from just doing that act. And they get much more back when they hear from the folks they helped. The people who did this also got a renewed vigor for finishing their challenges as strongly and carefully as they possibly could. All that, just for sending some supplements to another. 

Want to test this “law” before spending a lot of time deciding who to help and what to do? The quickest test you can come up with is just to paste a smile on your face with every person you meet. See how often you get that smile back. In fact, make a mental note of it. Then, put a frown on your face as you encounter someone, and see what you get back. It’s a quick analogy of how this works in real life. It’s also a reminder that this principle of reaping and sowing is a kissing cousin to the age old “golden rule” about loving your neighbor as you love yourself.

Newcomers to the transformation routine often decide to put this off until they get the transformation routine down pat. But, many of them would also probaably admit that they have put this principle off for most of their lives. Indeed, for many, the fix they are in when they come to this program can be traced to taking actions that were calculated only to benefit them, and to cutting corners in other essential areas of their lives. This  kind of behavior inevitably leads to sadness, depression and repressed anger, which all lead to overeating and underperforming.  So, it stands to reason that acting the opposite of selfish will be the way out of those syndromes.

Make working the law of sowing and reaping a regular, at least weekly, “exercise” that you write in your journal just like your workouts. You’ll be glad you did! 

I think that most of us are pretty lousy judges of our motives, and those of others, and of our desires. It’s not that we don’t have good motives and desires, it’s that we don’t really know what they are.

Here are a couple of examples from my own life. As I walked down the hall to my room in a treatment center in 1983, where I was to spend the next 28 days, I thought for sure that my life was over. I thought I was going to live a miserable existence from that day forward because I had to drink to be happy. I actually learned that I could become a wholly happy person without alcohol. I was wrong about what would make me happy. When I was entering the BFL contests, I always wanted to win the jacket, the symbol of that great award. Today, the jacket just hangs in a closet. It’s nice, and I like it, but by itself it doesn’t make me happy at all. In fact, what makes me truly happy is speaking and working with people about body for life. Again, I really missed understanding what truly satisfies me.

And, as far as motives, those things that make us tick, and make us do things, I am probably no better judge of my true motives than I am of yours.  That worries me. In fact, it is why I do certain things so I don’t have to worry about my own motives.

I do something “nice” for somebody at least weekly and don’t tell anyone. It can be giving money, by putting it where they’ll find it, or just doing a task for them without them knowing who did it, but it has to cost me something. Compliments are no substitute for working the universal law of reciprocation. I do this so that I will remember that true joy comes from having pure motives, motives that can only benefit another in a material way, and that actually cost me something. The other thing I do regularly is examine myself. I write down my failings and shortcomings; I keep short accounts–quickly apologizing where I may have offended another; and I write down other ways I have fallen short. I spend time in prayer, and I try to encourage others. This helps, because if I still somehow form a selfish motive inconsistent with what I force myself to practice, I’m sometimes able to see it coming, and nip it in the bud.

I think that to the extent we do not know our true motives, we are handicapped in our abilities to be effective in this great society. We can also encounter sudden and strong feelings that throw us off when something unexpected happens if we are not aware of our motives and desires. Every year, when the BFL champions are announced, many noble and dedicated contenders are shocked to find out just how depressed and upset they are  when they are passed over as champions. They are shocked because they failed to read their true motives and desires, not because they are petty or evil in any sense. If we have some understanding of what really makes us tick, then we are usually far more effective in helping those around us. That, after all, is the best reason in the world to transform–in order to help transform the rest of the world!

The finishing of a challenge, and the announcement of champions, should be a source of joy for all of us. When failure to truly know ourselves causes us to nosedive at that news, we have shortchanged ourselves. I hope this encourages all of us to work on ourselves–to do things for others without getting caught, and to examine our actions in light of our perceived motives. We’ll all be happier if we do–and far more effective as transformers as well.

Most people have more responsibility around the home than I do these days. But, just because the kids have all finally left, it doesn’t mean I don’t have battles to wage that can distract me from the Body for Life lifestyle. And that’s what most battles do–distract us, rather than solving anything. The first key to living an organized, peaceful life is knowing when to disagree, when to go to battle, and when to just overlook something and get on with life. The second key to life is making sure that you’re REALLY overlooking something, rather than just pushing all your emotions down inside you, because if that’s what you’re doing, you’re just delaying the moment at which you will blow your top! And blowing your top is exactly what you don’t want to do, because anger, no matter how “righteous it is, is corrosive, and it’s a distraction you just can’t afford while doing a challenge. Here are my major weaknesses: Allowing people to make their problems my problems, and being unable to say no to people who are demanding my time, my money or something else from me. Those are clearly related defects, aren’t they? Now, I usually gloss over these character defects by saying that I “don’t want to hurt their feelings” or that I “really like” helping people with their problems. Well, I do, but even when I know that someone is just trying to take advantage of me, I still say that sometimes. So, what ends up happening is you not only waste your time or your resources on something you shouldn’t have, but you also end up mad at yourself for doing it. At least I  end up that way! Though they love us, family members become real experts at playing on our weaknesses, don’t they? Years ago, I took a course in raising children and learned a couple of things that really help me today, when I choose to remember them. One was that it is just fine to say, “Oh, I’m sorry–that’s really too bad for YOU, isn’t it?” This puts the responsiblity right back on the person who thinks that a sudden emergency created by their neglect should somehow result in your rescuing them. The second is simply to ask yourself, before engaging in potentially conflict building behavior, “Is this a hill worth dying on?”  I have rephrased that question and simply ask myself, “Is this going to matter a year from now?” If it’s not, then I don’t draw my sword! If it might, I think about it a while. If it clearly will, then I spring into action. I’m not perfect yet, but I’m not the doormat I once was. And that actually gives me much more time to organize my life, and to help people that I really want to! That not only doesn’t create resentment–it creates joy!

My friend Dave Wendel, a pharmacist from Poplar Bluffs Missouri, and a 2004 jump start winner, shows old photos of himself when he tells his body for life story. Some of the ones that are really startling are old driver’s license photographs. It doesn’t even look like him, that big guy staring into the camera with a furrowed brow and kind of a sad countenance. Today, his photos reveal an entirely different looking and entirely happy guy. Yesterday, I was speaking at a corporate event and had occasion to see a couple of things that reminded me of Dave’s story. They were the ID photos of a couple of employees where I was speaking, photos taken not all that long ago, but that the photos hardly resemble the much thinner and very radiant faces of their owners. They looked so different that if I was the guard at the door and didn’t know them, I would probably ask for more documentation before I let them in! I’m not going to tell you who they are, because I didn’t get their permission to write about them, but it was great proof–as though we needed more–that Body for Life changes not only the exterior but the interior as well.   You’ll go through several stages as you do your transformation challenge. Some days you’ll feel wonderful, and other days you’ll feel like you-know-what! But, one thing is clear. If you continue to work hard, eat right and keep the right atttude, your face and the rest of you will glow with evidence of the hard work you’ve put in!  I’m glad I got to meet these ladies and hear their stories. It is really one of the main reasons I like to go speak to groups. Though I’m expected to tell my story, I really like to hear theirs. It just enthuses me all over again about this terrific program, Body for Life!  You’ll be amazed before you’re done. Amazed that you have stuck with this, maybe the very first plan that has really worked for you. And you’ll also be amazed that what you thought would be a way to say good bye to a few pounds has added a whole lot of joy to your life–and to your face!  

The last few days I haven’t been my old self. I’ve been quiet at work, seemingly disinterested around the home, and feeling tired a good deal of the time as well. I really couldn’t put a finger on it until this morning–but I knew something wasn’t quite right.

Well, this morning I got some news I had been waiting for, and had been worrying about as well. It was just news–neither good nor bad–but it was information I needed to have in order to be able to do something important next week. As soon as I saw the email that had the news in it, it was like the dam burst and all was well again. BUT, it wasn’t until that moment that I actually connected the lack of information with the uneasiness and dysfunction I’d been experiencing all week!

That’s the strange thing about the mind. Something can be going on in the background, kind of like a program running in the background of your computer, and something that is messing up you powers of concentration, your sense of joy, and even how you feel physically. As you can see, I’m not immune to those strange experiences but I do have some tips on how to avoid it happening and affecting your transformation efforts long-term.

First of all, there is more to it than just your normal conscious thoughts. The human being is much more than just a physical body. There is also a mind, soul and spirit. People have different ideas, but I like to think of the soul as the residence of the mind and spirit, and as a kind of a mingling place or a stilling basin for what goes on in the body, and the mind and the spirit. (A stilling basin is a kind of concrete pond at the end of the spillway of a dam and its purpose is to slow the energy of the water and avoid unnecessary erosion below the dam.)

So, for all to be “well with my soul” as the old hymn describes, there needs to be a conscious understanding that there is definitely an interconnection between the body and the mind and spirit. And then there has to be conscious action to do the things necessary to slow down the things that are going on.

People in recovery do this when they go through the checklist called H.A.L.T. It stands for hungry, angry, lonely and tired, and it is a way of trying to figure out what is causing a cascade of emotions in you, so that you can take the steps to correct it. The corrective steps of course for those problems are eating, forgiveness, social interaction, and rest. If I had been smart, I would have sat down and said to myself: “Why are you afraid?” I say that because I know that fear is the one mindset that messes me with more than any other. And I know that fear is so powerful that I almost always choose to avoid it initially by just pretending that everything is o.k. The telltale sign, though, is when I grow quiet, and I just failed to recognize it. Had I realized that it was fear, then I would have done something about and taken proactive measures instead of just waiting for the news to come along.

For you, it may not be a checklist you need. It may be that you need to phone a friend, or do some journaling, or pray for insight. Often, I find the answer to my distress when I do something I’ve done for years–put Milly the wonder dog on a leash and go for a long walk outside. That might work for you too, and if you don’t have a dog, you’ll do just fine anyway!

One thing is for sure. Doing a transformation challenge without a clear understanding of and control of your mind makes it twice as hard and not much fun!

I wrote it in my journal last night–circled it, highlighted it, dated it and even wrote in the exact time. The entry reads, ” PB! Single lift BP, 215, 8-6-08, 7:50 P.M.!”

This short entry memorializes the fact that last evening I did a 215 pound bench press of one lift at my home gym. It may not sound like a big deal to most people. Heck, there are some bodybuilders who start their warmup sets higher than that! But, for me, a 62 year old guy who has had 4 shoulder operations and three on a shattered collar bone, who was told he should never bench press again, that is A BIG DEAL! And I’m not done either. My “goal” for this challenge I am on is to do a single lift bench press of 250 pounds!

I know–I’m bragging. But, I really more than anything want to make a point that I hope you’ll find encouraging. And the point is this: No “barrier” that a doctor or another or even your own mind sets for you is impenetrable. With hard work, with a willingness to endure regular setbacks, pain and sacrifice, much more than you can imagine you are capable of can be accomplished!

Here’s what the news looked like 5 years ago. I was just getting back into the exercise business after having a second surgery on my right torn rotator cuff, and then having a massive infection in the shoulder which landed me in the hospital for a week and kept me in a sling and on IV antibiotics for months. A third surgery on that same shoulder resulted in removal of some necrotic (rotted) muscle and some other debris in the joint. I literally looked like I had a muscle wasting disease as I stared in the mirror. My trap muscle was the size of a rope, and my right arm and shoulder girdle were shrunken noticably compared to the left. The doctor sent me to a therapist and gave me a list of “don’ts” that included “pullups, barbell bench presses, dips, overhead lifting, reaching out in front of me, and some others I’ve since forgotten.

I honestly don’t advocate simply doing what you want in spite of what a doctor tells you, but in this case, I just began pushing the envelope as I felt capable. I think the surgeon was primarily trying to avoid putting me back into an injury situation again, and neither of us was looking forward to going through a nightmare like the one that had transpired. I refused to believe that my body was so frail that it could never again do any of those things, and so far, I’ve been correct!

There really is power in a mindset. Refusing to believe negative things, and instead looking forward always to better and bigger things will gradually get you there. In my case, I can now do 25 wide grip pullups, rather than the none I was told to do. I can do 22 dips, or 12 with 32 pounds of weight added to my body weight, rather than the none I was told. You already know about the bench pressing, and as for overhead lifting, I really am careful there, and I never lift more than 40 pounds overhead in each hand.

What’s next? I have lofty goals for this challenge! I hope to meet them and I will report back as time goes on. My goals for my next challenge will be emerging soon enough. One thing is for sure–they’ll be lofty, but achievable. And they will keep me always looking for more!

I hope you’re looking ahead, and that you’re expecting more  out of yourself than others are!

You know what? Every one of us has something that is a recurring theme of failure for us. For some of us, it is our temper. For others, it can be giving in to cravings, lying, laziness, self-sabotage, self-hatred, addictive smoking or drinking. Some harbor resentments toward a spouse or family member and secretly blame them for life’s failures. This is not an inclusive list, and some of us have more than one of these. I don’t know what you call these ugly mindsets, but I call them “strongholds.”  However, there’s GOOD NEWS on the horizon! You can do a transformation challenge and at the same time work on your character defects that are holding you back. Notice that I said YOUR character defects, and didn’t say a thing about THOSE OTHERS who are doing these things to you! That’s because for you to have serenity and peace, you need to fix the one person you are empowered to fix—you! The other person and what they are doing is not your problem, but your response to their behavior is! As the old saying goes, your response is your responsibility! And, there’s even better news coming. I cannot give you names, because I don’t reveal confidential information about people. BUT, I can promise you that there ARE people on the Tracker, the guestbook and elsewhere who have had what you have that is killing your efforts, and they have conquered it by fixing themselves and letting God fix the other people.  My guess is that if you figure out how to openly admit what your issue is, without revealing hurtful details that might harm you or others, that there is someone who will see that post, and will contact you and tell you what worked for them.  These people have learned not only how to live with a situation  they once viewed as intolerable, but they have learned the secret of being joyful while they do. And they have also learned that helping others get free of this tyranny of their minds makes them even more joyful. You know who you are out there, you wounded healers! I love you; and I know you read these blogs! Don’t let me down, and please help the folks who need it the most.  You were once just as lost and isolated and frustrated as you could be, and on some days that seems like just a distant memory! Thanks! Blessings to all of you this beautiful weekend! Life is great, and God is good—all the time!

Everywhere you look these days character is exposed, and usually it’s not a pretty sight! Professional athletes and referees are accused of illegal drug use, prohibited sports gambling, and even game fixing. In politics, it seems to be a regular occurrence that an officeholder is accused of conduct inappropriate to their office, such as taking illegal campaign contributions or misusing their office powers to enrich themselves and their friends. Even in bodybuilding, scandals are somewhat regular, with illegal steroid and growth hormone use near the top of the list.

But, in amateur fitness competitions, such as the Body for Life contest, does character really matter? Of course it does! It matters in many ways.

To the corporate sponsor of this competition, character of its contestants is critical, and that is the reason that some of the scoring of a transformation kit is based on the essay, so that the judges can assess the person’s character and fitness and suitability to be an endorser of products for the EAS/Abbott Nutrition line of products.

So, what do we really mean by good character? What did Porter Freeman mean when he said he looked in the mirror the day he started the challenge, didn’t like what he saw, and said to himself, “I have more character than that?”

One of the simplest definitions of character is “what you do when nobody is looking.” The Bible talks about a man of character as someone who keeps his word, “even when it hurts.” There’s another place that you’ll find a great outline of what character is all about. Probably nowhere are the elements of good character expressed better in terms of actions than in the book, “The Four Agreements.” They say: 1. Be impeccable in your word; 2. Don’t take anything personally; 3. Don’t make assumptions; and, 4. Always do your best. These are perfectly expressed “rules of the road” for succeeding in interpersonal relationships while maintaining at all times good character and behavior that will benefit everyone.

What do these principles have to do with BFL? Only this. To the extent that any of your “problems” in succeeding in this program, getting in your workouts, sticking with the diet, and finishing victoriously have something to do with how you perceive you are treated or mistreated by another, these four agreements will be the map to your way out of your weakened condition. And to the extent that you are able to adhere to these agreements and bring your behavior into line with them, it will reveal much about your character to those around you, and maybe even to the contest judges.

In the end, whether you become a named champion or not, these principles will sustain you through a competition so stressful and tough that many have been shipwrecked on the rocks of self-pity and mediocrity.

FEAR–GRADUATION DAY!

Well, this is payoff day–the day that we finish up with fear. Today is the closing ceremony, where we’ll talk about how to replace fear and maintain a life of freedom from fear.

Once you rid yourself of your fears by doing what we talked about yesterday, you MUST intentionally replace them with something. If you don’t, something will end up replacing it anyway. Nature abhors a vacuum, and an empty human spirit will be filled with something, one way or another. If you don’t take positive action, the fear might be replaced by some addiction or obsession, by lust or greed, or even by more fear. So, the key is to replace it with something good, not bad.

I’m sure you’ve heard that perfect faith drives out fear. It does, and faith in a higher power will certainly provide a foundation for a fear-free life. But mere faith, without more, can sometimes end up more like wishful thinking than spiritual strength. So, let’s make this “active faith.” What is the one thing that most people who possess faith, who believe that they are created, valuable beings have in common? A love for one another, and a desire to help one another. So, my project for replacing fear with active faith is a very simple one–love in action!

Love in action—in the transformation  world–is also called the universal law of reciprocation. Simply put, you should regularly, at least once a week, do something good for someone who cannot pay you back, and do it without getting caught. Use your imagination–slip money into a jacket pocket, or leave it on someone’s door. Send a gift certificate for a restaurant anonymously. Pay for someone’s way at a function that they can’t afford to go to otherwise. Pray for opportunities to do things for people–they will come along. If you still have some forgiving or amends to make for your past fear-driven behavior, think about how you might right some of those wrongs anonymously. Just don’t get caught, unless a direct apology is in order, of course,

Until you’ve experienced it, you cannot imagine the intense joy that comes from doing something anonymously that truly benefits another. That joy produces something else over time. Hope. Because God truly rewards those who help others for the right reason. It helps you to expectantly look forward to seeing who and what God will bring into your life as your next project, and it helps you to see with confidence that every single need you have is being taken care of–and all without you having to worry about it! In due time, you will look back over all this and not only wonder what ever happen to that old fear-driven you, but also wonder what happened to all the problems that caused those fears!

Does this all sound too extravagant to you? It will take place in your life if you just take the steps of faith to do it.
Staying rid of fear by replacing it is really a life long project. It is very much like staying physically fit. Use it or lose it applies here! Exercise those faith muscles this weekend by attending your favorite house of worship and asking God to help you make sense of all this.

Above all else, don’t ever give up again. Don’t let fear win even one small battle. Face it; admit it; get rid of it, and don’t let it live rent free in your head ever again! Fight for your freedom from fear!

God Bless!  

Yesterday we examined chronic fear from the perspective of how it affects our everyday lives and how we deal with it. Most of us deal with it by denying we have it, projecting it on others, or medicating ourselves with food or drugs so we don’t have to face it or deal with it.

Well you can continue to deny it, project it, or medicate yourself over it, but in the long haul it will not go away or lose its hold over you. In fact, for most people, chronic fear produces a whole new host of problems eventually–anxiety, ulcerative colitis, headaches, backaches, and so on. While fear might be a real boon for the medical and pharmaceutical industries, for those of us dealing with it, it becomes a life-altering nightmare over time.So, how do we get rid of it? It starts by admitting we have it. That means saying to ourselves and even others on occasion, “I am afraid…” It means we stop re-labeling it. Frankly, we are NOT “concerned, a bit nervous, or up-tight.” We are FEARFUL! The admission is the key to dealing with it. Once we admit we have a problem we then are freed to deal with it responsibly.

Second, we need to figure out where the heck it came from. For most of us, this means a bit of self-analysis, a bit of journaling perhaps, maybe even a talk with our parents about some things that happened to us as kids. Some prayerful asking of our Creator during a quiet time is helpful. A short personal retreat, away from all distractions, often leads to true “enlightenment” concerning the cause or causes. Third, and this is where the real work begins, we need to forgive. You’ll find almost certainly that your fear is from something involving another human being, perhaps an authority figure who belittled or took advantage of you, or an abusive relationship. You cannot win the game of life until you get free of the fear, and true freedom starts by doing away with every hidden or possible source of resentment. Forgive the person or persons who wronged you quickly and completely, whether you feel like it or not. Forgiveness involves action not feelings. Write it out, that you forgive so and so on such and such a date for doing this and that. Forgive yourself while you’re at it, for the time you’ve wasted, the things you’ve missed, and the people you’ve hurt along the way. Do that by writing down where you fell short, and just give it to God! Make amends where you need to, and then move forward. This is the eniire process of truly surrendering, and it is only through this surrender that you win!  Whatever you do, don’t leave out this critical step. There is often a situation where you have wronged another  and have simply avoided facing them and admitting it. It’s tough to do—as I have learned personally. But, the fear that comes from having chronically failed to render an appropriate apology and  appropriate amends can be just as corrosive as any other fear. To do this, you really have to set aside any idea of beginning your conversation with “well, we were both wrong….” Just stick with what YOU did, and the fear will just melt into absolute relief.

What’s next? Well, tomorrow we’ll talk about how to replace fear, and with what, and how we avoid sliding back into that slue of despond. It’s not as hard as you think. Like most things, it’s much easier to maintain a clean house than to have to do a complete remodeling job all the time. See you then!

This is a rerun of a series that I have done before. It so important that it is worth doing again.

The speaker said he could easily sum up the root cause of every one of his life’s failures in just one word,”fear.” I was there when he said it, and I was seated where I could watch about half the audience without turning around. What I saw was most interesting–the vast majority of that audience was nodding in agreement, as though to signal that they they understood and empathized with what he had just said. This speaker was a war hero, by the way!

When I have examined my own life’s failures, and have blown away the dust of denial and excuses, I too usually come up with that one word, FEAR!

I drank alcoholically for 18 years or so. I did it because I was afraid, afraid that people wouldn’t accept me if they really knew what I was like; afraid that I was going to fail at things; afraid that I would be alone and lonely; afraid that I would get sick. you name it, I was afraid of it, and alcohol was my daily cure for that illness!

I entered into a bad relationship years ago because I was afraid of being alone. I stayed in a bad business relationship for years because I was afraid of taking the risk of going out on my own. Fear has also been at the root of most of my other character defects, such as gossip, envy, jealousy, and rage. At the ROOT of each of these failures, there lurked fear, and the character defect is a way of acting like I wasn’t fearful, when in fact I was.

So, why are we discussing fear in a Transformation blog, you ask? let me ask you a question–what is the number one failure in any transformation attempt? Failure to finish is number one, far above all others put together. And something tells me that fear has an awful lot to do with that!

Oh sure, I’ve heard all the other excuses, and so have you! “I got sick. I hurt myself. My dog died. My parents divorced. My husband doesn’t want me to keep doing this. I’m too busy. It’s not working.” Yet, for most people that I have talked with, who eventually finished a challenge successfully, it actually required conquering a specific fear that they had–and all this other stuff was just window dressing in reality!

Fear is an equal opportunity life wrecker. It visits us all if we live long enough. And, it seems to me that it really comes calling about the time that we make up our minds that we’re going to do something life-changing. Some people think of fear as being caused by an inner conflict, some part of you that doesn’t want the other part to succeed. Others think of it as a very real and evil spiritual force. Whatever we think of it, the truth is that chronic fear is a corrosive, life-sapping, depressing force that we must rid ourselves of, if we are to live effectively and happily. Those who claim that fear is a great motivator are partially right. Fear can motivate people, whether you have it or inflict it, but the final effect of fear is to destroy people, not help them.

I can tell you this today about fear. Though it once absolutely ruled my life, today it does not. I can also tell you that if I obtained victory over fear, certainly you can as well. I can also promise you that if you gain victory over fear, Body for Life–and every other challenge that comes visiting you–will be conquerable and perhaps even enjoyable.

We’re running out of space today. Tomorrow, I’ll have some specific applications on conquering fear. But,if you want a little heads up on tomorrow, I’ll give you a little hint. Truly conquering fear takes believing in a power greater than yourself! And, to win, you have to surrender!

DENIAL!   Denial is a real phenomenon. Though it’s most commonly associated with addiction, denial can be present in more benign circumstances. I see it daily in people who have gradually given up on trying to stay fit. Though their body habitus tells me at a glance that they are carrying at least 40 or 50 pounds of excess fat on their frame, often they view themselves as just a little out of shape. They look in the mirror, and thanks to denial, they basically see what they were once, not who they are now. So, they don’t pay much attention to the remarks of well-meaning people about how much weight they’ve gained. And they continue trying to squeeze into those clothes they can barely button, wondering how come this stuff keeps shrinking.  What does shake a person out of denial, though, is seeing a picture of himself.  It is usually an “Oh my God!” moment that cracks through all those ideas about what they really look like. This is usually a wonderful thing, because it almost always produces a mixture of shame and motivation to get things changed. That’s kind of what happened to me in August 2006 when I looked at the photo I had just taken and saw a person different from the one I remembered in the mirror.  There are also those who are NOT in denial, but who just won’t really do anything about themselves until it becomes almost hopeless. These are tougher cases. This person is getting something out of their efforts to encase themselves in fat and eating themselves into oblivion. Whether it is because the food kills the pain of depression or anxiety, or the layers of fat keep others away from them, the reason is not always obvious, even to the person who is victimizing herself.  Transformations can change the appearance, and with the right amount of journaling and self-examination, while taking the right actions in regard to relationships, transformations can also be great healing events and life changing indeed.  If only a physical transformation is achieved in the time allotted, the person’s odds of staying fit are indeed diminished if he or she does not do something about the deeper causes of the problems that brought them to the transformation.  That’s why we’re here, isn’t it? To change both the outer and the inner person for the better!

Will You Do It, or Will You Just Talk About It?

I have spent a lot of time catching up on reading the guestbook and looking over on Bill Phillips’ website where lots of people are starting their newest transformation efforts. It’s exciting to see all the new people, all of whom are also excited and filled with both hope and energy as they set out to change their lives. Most have lofty reasons for their intended transformations, health problems, family histories of obesity-related illnesses, a health crisis of their own, a personal crisis. The reasons go on and on.

But, you know what? If past history is any indicator of future performance, only  about three weeks from the time these folks started, fully three-fourths of them will already have messed up their efforts to the point that they have effectively given up. And only about 10% or less will who have registered for the challenge will actually end up turning in a completed entry.

Why? What happens between the enthusiastic start and the wimpy ending that turns something desired and valued into a complete failure?

Personally, having done several challenges, and having failed to complete a couple of them, I think it generally boils down to what Porter Freeman said are the priorities; 1. You have to “want it;” and, 2. You have to make it a priority.

Yes, everyone thought they wanted it, in the excitement of the moment, but as soon as they got started they began to see that they also wanted lots of other things that were not necessarily compatible with the challenge. Many wanted to also drink and eat with their friends after work, or to continue their sneak-eating and bingeing. Many wanted to sleep in even more than they wanted to see that fat burn away. Still others wanted to keep peace in the family so bad that they just stopped even trying to take care of themselves. In that kind of a conflicting and confusing atmosphere, even pretending to make the transformation a priority is too much for most.

So, that’s how it goes for most. The key for YOU, the reader of this blog, is to be one of the 10%, not one of the 90%. And to do that takes showing yourself how bad you want it, by planning ahead all 84 days, or 126 days if you’re doing one at  the Transformation site, preparing ahead one week at a time, and executing to the best of your ability, each day as it comes along. It means staying in today, refusing to fail, and refusing to sell out cheaply. It may even mean getting new “friends” if your old ones are the ones trying to put you in with the 90%. It means carefully formulating the real reasons behind your efforts, and empowering yourself by writing them down in detail.

This will be the hardest thing you ever did. But, it will also be the best thing you ever did as well. Want it; make it a priority, and just do it!

While we were on a short holiday in two resort communities in Northern Michigan, there was plenty of time for me to cool my heels while Ruth shopped for the “perfect souvenir sweatshirt or T-shirt from one of these places.

So, since there were no “real” hardware stores within walking distances, I always walked into the nearest book store and checked out what was on the shelves these days.  Checking the “diet and exercise” section of several different stores, including a couple of the big box stores, I found the new book, “Champions Body for Life” in stock and prominently displayed. A couple of these book stores were very small, with limited inventories, and even they carried the book.

I’m still reading mine, believe it or not! There is a ton of information in there, and no small amount of it actually came from my own little blogs and missives that I sent to Art Carey, the author of the book. Given the fact that the suggested retail price is $26.95 and most places sell it for a bit under $20, the book is certainly worth taking a place on your shelf of fitness and diet information you use regularly.

Ruth (my wife) and I really like the entire book but are especially pleased to see that the exercises that are depicted show clearly that every body part can be thoroughly worked with just dumbbells, a fitness ball, and some exercise bands. There are no machine exercises depicted, and that’s great, because machines all differ, and the instructions for them are right on the machine, so there was no need to waste the space on them.

The “top ten” lists throughout are fun and for the most part contain some great tips for the serious participants. Another thing I really like about the book is that it recognizes the accomplishments of some featured challengers and others who have not yet been crowned champions.

Are there some things that one could be negative about? Sure. Some of the photos in the B & W sections are not as crisp as they might have been, but when you get contributions from all the participants and many are really designed to have been printed in color, they can look a bit muddy when changed to black and white.

All in all, though, it’s a great read with literally tons of information in it. It’s a welcome substitute for the original book which was written nearly a decade ago. It was high time that the collective experience of all the champions and challengers since that time was updated and put into a special focus to help others.

Give it a shot and pick up yours today. In fact, pick up two or three. You know you’ll end up giving away one to somebody who thinks that you are taking steroids or something! And the other will make a great gift for that family member or friend who could use a boost.

“Then It All Slipped Away!”

I see it all the time, on the message boards, forums and guestbooks, the same sad and powerless statement:  Here’s one off the guestbook on 7-15. “I had great results. Then, I let it all slip away, and five years later I weigh more than ever.” You can just feel the sadness and desperation in those statements, can’t you?

The question I wish to pose to all of today is WHY? I don’t mean “why we got fat again” because that is simply a principle of basic nutrition. Too much food! The why I am talking about is why did we choose to lose the focus we had, give up the gift of fitness we were given, and basically trade it all in for a few hours of enjoyment followed by powerlessness.

I’ve asked every one of these people who post like I mentioned above, and I get responses from maybe 10% of them who leave a contact email address. Not one of those 10% out of the years I’ve been asking has really hit the nail on the head yet. Every one of them, even though they were able to articulate a particular challenge that came along in their life, failed to answer the really penetrating question of why they allowed what happened to them to set their life spinning out of control again.

My best guess is that this failure is due to a confluence of two problems: One, a failure to appreciate the importance of continuing focus on controlling one’s thought life; and; Two, a failure to appreciate the necessity of staying focused on doing good things for ones self. Uncontrolled thought life always leads to negative thinking, of a destructive nature–always!

I say this because in every case where the “perceived reason” for the failure to stay fit was due to a family or personal tragedy, the person mentioned “losing focus” or trying to “work on what was really important.” In most cases, though, there was plenty of time to do both, but the person traded in his workout times for more time to worry or ruminate over the misfortune.

There’s something inside us that makes us want to co-suffer with the victim of a tragedy. That often takes the form of self-sacrifice such as letting ourselves go,or ceasing all other normal life contacts as the problem unfolds.

Denise Taylor, during the time that her daughter Jonnae was at her sickest, continued to keep herself fit. She did it in a focused and unselfish way. She exercised when the doctors were not around and Jonnae was resting. That activity allowed Denise to be strong, to be fully involved in the care and loving of her beautiful daughter,and to be available and strong for the rest of the family. In essence,Denise chose to not make herself the second victim of this recurrent cancer, and it was clearly the right choice.

How did Denise do it? Well,for one thing she is a person of deep faith and she followed the still small voice within her, meditated on good things, and prayed regularly. That spiritual focus strengthened to keep emotional and mental focus, which allowed her to physically focus on each task at hand.

In essence, Denise’s faith kept her able to control her thoughts, and her positive thoughts helped her to appreciate the need to take care of her own physical, mental and spiritual health.

Simple enough? Not easy, clearly, but simple. If it was a mathematical formula, it would look like this: F2 (faith squared) = T (positive thinking) + A. ( right actions.)

Just one last thing and then I’ll close. I’m NOt saying that all these people who relapsed from their fitness programs did not HAVE faith! I’m saying that they did NOT in faith do the right things for themselves.

What do you think?

Emotional Eating!

“I’m an emotional eater!” That’s a quote I hear every day–in emails, on the message boards, and directly from those I talk to about transformation athletics and dieting. In fact, I hear it so often, and observe it in most people I know, that I think it to be a universal thing among humans.

Now, I know that when one uses that phrase, they don’t mean emotional eating as a good thing. Indeed, they regard what they do as a bad thing. But, I just wanted to first set the table so that we realize that we are all emotional eaters. I think we were created that way. Some of the most memorable events in life are built around “emotional eating.” The wedding feast; funeral luncheons; graduation banquets; our lives are built around the “high points” of achievements accompanied by eating with friends and family!

BUT, when most of us proclaim ourselves as emotional eaters, we’re talking about a dark thing–eating alone, eating in stress or unhappiness, and eating far beyond our needs–usually heavy carbs or fatty foods that have the capacity to calm us and sedate us before they commence to destroy us!

First, the bad news. There’s absolutely no easy way out of an emotional eating problem. The good news? There IS a way!

The way out of the “dark type” of emotional eating is part discipline, part self-led psycho-therapy, and part being willing to suffer and feel instead of cutting and running by downing a quart of ice cream! Here’s where you start:

1. Make sure you eat the six small, balanced meals a day that are part of your regular transformation athletics program. Include foods you like, but DO NOT cheat on portions or types of food. Never eat in your car, and never, ever buy food wrong for you except on the free day that you will consume it.

2. When the “moment” comes up that makes you want to binge, own up to it. Say to yourself–and even to another if you are in the company of people who won’t belittle you or laugh at you–”I just really feel like eating right now because I’m having trouble dealing with……..” (Here insert the exact thing that is bothering you, not a glossed over or biased summary.) This is a critical step because if you lie to yourself and say that you are going to eat because you’re “bored” when in fact you’re sitting up worried to death that your husband is going to come home drunk again, you are simply continuing a pattern of deception. That pattern extends not only to others to but to yourself as well. One of the main elements of emotional eating happens to be self-deception, and that is because self-deception keeps you from having to deal with the truth.

3. Do your inventory. H.A.L.T. “Am I hungry, angry, lonely or tired?” Often, one of these last three is the problem rather than hunger, but often feels just like hunger to you.

4. Make a contract with yourself. No cheating until you’ve written in your journal, and disclosed everything you need to about how you feel, who hurt you, why you’re worried or whatever it is that piqued this strong desire to overeat.

5. Phone a friend! One of the same sex, one who won’t betray your confidence, who will listen to you without judgment or interruption, and who will try to answer your questions. This is perhaps the most effective of all these steps and I want you to work them in the order I’ve given you, because if you have to call a friend you will at least know what it is that you want to do and why, and you will then use this as only an extraordinary remedy, which it is. I don’t want to see phone a friend develop into just another easy ritual before you pronounce yourself hopeless and go eat into oblivion once again!

The other thing most emotional eaters need badly is inside work. Many have had major upheavals in their lives. Childhood sexual inappropriateness, absent or emotionally absent parents–especially fathers, nightly turmoil and even danger in the home where they were raised. These things fuel the eating disorders later in life. These things have to be dealt with and they often take counseling. At the very least, they take being willing to buy a workbook on the topic of eating addictions and becoming completely willing to get to the bottom of what is eating you that makes you want to eat.

I’m guessing some of you have gotten to this point with tears brimming in your eyes and strange feelings in your insides. You don’t know whether to read on or just go somewhere and cry! If you’re up to it, a quick way to start is to just leave a quick note at the end of this blog and let us all know you’re going to do something–beginning today! If you want no one to know now, but need more help, drop me an email and I promise I won’t betray your confidence. I’ll try to answer your questions and see that you can get some help. I may even know someone I can put you in touch with. I’m at miketharris@comcast.net. 

Lest you need to be reminded, I’m NOT a counselor; I’m not a doctor, and I’m not certified as an expert in this area at all. But I do know it; I lost a sister to an eating disorder; this syndrome runs in my family; and I’ve served in recovery groups and other organizations, taken seminars and studied this stuff forever. I hope you believe in a power greater than yourself. It certainly takes that, because if you had it just within your own power to get and stay free of this issue, you never would have gotten it! Through all of this, stay in touch with that Power, the one I call God.  Thanks for reading this.

I had not been on a champions cruise before.  I always wanted to go, but to honor my wife, who definitely is not the cruise type, I did not. This year, she said o.k. And we went! Well, cruise type or not, I do know that she loved the people on the cruise, and hopefully that will be enough so that we can go again some day!

In the end, every transformation community event is about the people and the stories. My “party” days are pretty much over. I get enjoyment in being sober today, and watching others party! What gives me more joy and fun than anything else is getting to sit down and listen to others tell their stories.  Sometimes, I find myself in the midst of one of their stories, and it’s then that you can actually begin to see how all these things in motion long ago, and that there are no coincidences or accidents.

I’m going to be purposely vague and incomplete here, because I don’t have permission to tell stories on others. But here are a couple of stories I was involved in:

1. I sat down at a table with another guy, shook his hand, looked him in the eye, spoke warmly, and ended up hugging him. Up to this time,he was not a friend, and was someone I regarded warily. He regarded me the same way. But we have both changed a great deal, and I can honestly and unashamedly say that I love the guy today! The cruise wasn’t what DID IT, but it was the place that God chose to do it! One day soon, I’ll invite him to guest write a blog about what happened to us, and if he consents, we’ll let you all know what happened! He even signed my book!

2. There was another divine moment. Something I said in my talk to the group, along with something another speaker said, combined to pierce the heart of a person who was in deep emotional pain and torment at that very time. Those statements caused  the person to go to another, and set things right–right there on the cruise boat! I would never had known, wouldn’t even have thought that such a thing might be going on, had not the person looked me up and thanked me. Really, he was thanking God by thanking me, because that is who set it all up long ago.

Just think of all the effort God went to just to quiet a person’s spirit. He arranged for two speakers with completely different agendas coming from different countries, to be on a particular cruise ship with the person needing to relieve the torment, and also with the person who helped create the torment, who needed to be approached to make it all right! What an inefficient way to achieve reconciliation! That’s how I recognize God’s signature on things–it’s just so extravagant, almost wastefully extravagant, when He sets out to get us closer together!

Of course I reconnected with many old friends as well, some of whom I hadn’t seen in the nearly 4 1/2 years since our ultimate transformation camp in Colorado. It was such an amazing smorgasbord of new and old friends that I almost didn’t have time to get sunburned or make a fool of myself! Well, I did do a little bit of solo dancing around the party boat, but that was just due to the great music they were playing at the time!

So, what do you take from this story? What I get from it is the clear message that God is always working, and always present wherever we go, reconciling, giving, and lavishing His love on us all. This time it was on a boat. The next time it might be in my car, the dentist’s office, or even at my bench in the courtroom, but when God shows up, YOU know it!

Next week, we’ll start a new series. On what? How should I know? God hasn’t shown up yet with the topic.  I’ll get back to you!

Good morning! It’s great to be back home again. The days at sea on the Champion’s Cruise were awesome, and I’ll report more once I have an opportunity to truly process what went on, but still it’s always nice to get back home.

My message on the cruise was about 10 different points that you need to know to transform both physically and spiritually, and after the talk was over at least 10 people told me that one particular point had really been of interest to them. Since I kind of did a “flyover” on it, I wanted to address it in greater detail in this blog. It’s about LOVE and RESPECT.

I pointed out in my message that a couple’s challenge will stretch, stress and test your relationship like nothing else will. It is a wonderful opportunity to grow closer together, but unfortunately many couples end up using the challenge as a way of tearing each other apart.

The “cure” for the problems that can come up while working out together is keeping an eye on the principles of unconditional love and respect. The world “gets” the idea that we need to love unconditionally–which means loving by our actions, especially when the other person is essentially in an otherwise unlovable state! Unconditional love isn’t easy, but we guys at least understand it.

BUT, what the world doesn’t “get” is that while unconditional love is the heartcry of women–along with a strong need for security as well–it is less so for men. Men need unconditional RESPECT. Men don’t articulate this need often, but we give respect and need to get it in order to feel complete as a man.

Think about how military and paramilitary organizations work. They would collapse without the principle of respect. And respect in a marriage or other permanent relationship MUST be unconditional or it isn’t really respect. Don’t confuse respect with trust. You need not trust a person who has proven unworthy of trust. But respect not only does no harm, but it actually helps you both–just as unconditional love does.

How do you show respect for a man in a meaningful way? First, you need to really buy into how essential it is to guys, or you won’t do it! Once you’re settled on that, become a careful observer of his habits and actions. Look for the little things he does that make a difference to you or others and make note of them. Then, in a quiet moment, take him by the arm, draw close to him, and tell him that you respect how he does these things. Make it clear that it is his being a good man that you respect, not just the deed. That’s why it’s best to tell him about something he did for someone else–beause it leaves no room for confusion. You’re expressing respect, not gratitude!

Then, just watch for a while and see if he doesn’t seem to get a bit taller, and throw those shoulders back just a bit more. He will also become more loving to you as a result. So, respect generates love, which generates more respect, which generates more love from him and the cycle continues.

Unfortunately, the opposite is also true. If you disrespect him by belittling him, compare him to others unfavorably in areas of appearance, strength, or qualities, or scoff at him, you will deeply wound him. Some men lash out, but most simply grow silent and shrink inside. Don’t make the mistake of thinking he wasn’t hurt just because he said nothing–assume the opposite! Nothing wounds a man like feeling that his mate doesn’t respect him. Nothing!

As I mentioned in the talk, this is not something I came up with. The concept is biblical, Ephesians 5:33, and there is an entire book written on the topic. If you’d like more information on it, drop me a note and I’ll send it to you!

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